Capitalisation of the D

A friend of mine has recently had an article published in our online student newspaper. The article (which you should read here), is about Sign Language and people's reaction to it. The comments that it received got me thinking.

Most people don't realise that there's a differnce between 'Deaf' and 'deaf'. The capitalisation of the 'd' is important in the Deaf culture. Most deaf people, prefer being called Deaf, not deaf. Deaf, with a capital, refers to the Deaf culture, whereas deaf without the capital refers to being hearing impaired.

Deaf culture is a vital part of BSL. Deaf culture is thriving. Many hearing people don't realise this, as it's very rare that they're involved in Deaf culture. But this culture has been thriving for years and there's a big sense of community. Even when teaching BSL was illegal, the Deaf culture lived on, avoiding the law and teaching their kids not only BSL, but everything that comes with being Deaf.

You can be deaf, without being Deaf. At the minute, I'm deaf, as I'm not fully immersed in Deaf culture. Likewise, you can also be Deaf, without being deaf. For example, a hearing child brought up by one or more Deaf parents is usually fully involved in the Deaf community, even though they are hearing.

When referring to any sort of culture, you would normally capitalise the first letter (ie. British community, French culture etc), and it is exactly the same with the Deaf community.

Me

Frenchie returns

Now that I'm back at uni, BSL classes have started up again. It's great signing again - though I've realised I've grown very lazy over the summer. The class was coming to an end, I was tired and just wanted to go home to sleep. The teacher asked me something, to which I replied. Except, because I was lazy, I only half-heartedly signed. Wrong move. The teacher looked at me, and then I realised my mistake. In being lazy, I had made the wrong sign. Instead of signing 'friend', I had signed a very rude word. The two are quite similar, especially when you're tired.

Luckily she saw the funny side. Serves me right though! I'll make sure not to get complacent, and give signing my full attention.

Despite that slight mishap, it's great to be signing again. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it. I love it. And the great news? My Mum has started to learn BSL as well. I'm absolutely thrilled about that.

For the past few days I've had a friend (Frenchie) stay over. It's been lovely seeing her. Have definitely missed her presence here at university. Hadn't seen her since the start of summer - so we definitely had a lot to catch up on. Which of course, meant staying up till the early hours of the morning, chatting.

She was lying in her bed, I was lying in mine, and we were having a good catch up and gossip. Was lovely. I do have a problem with late-night chats though - when do I take my hearing aids out? Often, the conversation will start up again when the lights are out and we're both just lying there. I normally take my hearing aids out before the lights go out. This time it was a guessing game - I didn't want to appear rude and not respond when I actually hadn't heard...

Frenchie is also an early bird. Or rather - I am not a morning person, and compared to me, everyone is an early bird. I like my lie-ins. Frenchie likes getting up in time for breakfast (unless I have an early lecture, I tend to miss breakfast and only surface for lunch). However, this wasn't an issue. She could move about and get ready with no fear of waking me up. There's definitely benefits to being deaf!

By the end of her stay with me, Frenchie had lost her voice. She started out by sounding nice and husky, and ended up sounding like a heavy-breather breathing down the phone... Now, losing your voice is annoying at the best of time. But especially if you're Frenchie - that girl likes to talk! Which I find great, because I like to talk just as much. She was struggling by the end though, with absolutely no voice.

Luckily - I can lip-read. It was great - Frenchie would mouth the words to me, giving me a chance to practice my lip-reading, and allowing us to continue to gossip. It also meant we were a bit quieter (my poor neighbour - he's probably been kept awake by random bursts of uncontrolled laughter in the early hours of the morning), as there was only one of us laughing.

Tell you what, lip-reading would have been a useful skill to have had when I was younger and having sleep-overs, and my pesky parents kept telling us that they could hear us talking and to go to sleep...

V

Popular culture

This past week seems to have been a very good week for BSL. It was everywhere I looked. Gone are the days when signing used to be punishable, we're going mainstream and being recognised. It's a good feeling.

I was watching a new series called 'The Body Farm' with my parents. Basically, it's CSI set in England. I became absurdly excited when I realised that the storyline for this episode involved Deaf people. Yay! I then became even more excited when I realised I could understand what they were signing. Go me.

The second time I noticed Sign Language being used was in a WebComic I read. Yes, I am aware that this is extremely nerdy, and I probably just lost all my streetcred by admitting I read webcomics. Oh well. Anyway, a character in this WebComic (Girls With Slingshots) is Deaf and signs. She never had much of a big part in it, but the past few episodes revolved around her. Which was exciting to me.

I'm a nerd. Shut up. Stop judging me.

Finally, the other thing that has me very excited is the music video to 'You Need Me' by Ed Sheeran. A friend gave me the link a while ago, but it's recently made it in to the Top 10. Ed Sheeran is a UK singer and his music video features a young signing actor. He signs the entire song. What's even better is that I can understand almost the entire song by the signing. I love it. Here's the video:



Just three little things, but they're pretty major. BSL is classed as one of the national languages in the UK. However, you hardly see it anywhere in popular culture. Until now. There's still a long way to go - but we're getting there!

Deaf Girl

Take it off

Not long ago I was going through airport security. I did the usual things; take my laptop out of my bag, put all the stuff from my pockets in to the tray (seriously, how is it possible to accumulate so much junk in a pocket that only fits 4 fingers?!) and take my shoes off. Stand in line, waiting for the bored security guards to call me through the metal detector. Get to the other side, without setting the metal detector off, and collect my stuff.

Only, I'm approached by two security guards. At first I think they're going to walk past me, then I realise they're walking towards me. The man (in his late 40s, short, fat and with a beard) looks at me with suspicious eyes. Uhoh. Have I done something wrong?

'Excuse me, what is that?' he says, pointing towards my chest.

I stare at him, looking slightly shocked, not entirely sure how to respond. Are my breasts illegal?

The woman with him, seeing my confusion, clears things up for me, 'he means the necklace'.

I look down. Oh. He's not pointing at my breasts (glad to know that having breasts isn't a crime), but at my bluetooth necklace. What's wrong with my bluetooth necklace?

'I've never heard of a bluetooth necklace,' he almost growls at me, 'why do you have one?'
'It connects my hearing aids to my mobile phone, so I can call people.'
'I've never heard of such a thing. Take it off.'
'It connects to my hearing aids.'
'Take. It. Off.'

I stare at him, he stares at me. I am clutching my necklace. I know I won't get it back if he takes it. I would be lost without it, and it's not exactly cheap. Around us, people are starting to look at us with interest. I feel myself going a lovely crimson colour (why do I blush so easily dammit!). I don't want to cause trouble, and I certainly don't want to be arrested by airport security and miss my flight. I just want to get on my way, with my necklace.

'Please, I'm deaf, I have hearing aids, the necklace connects to it so I can hear,' I say, whilst lifting up my hear and turning to him, showing him my hearing aids.

The man is about to say something, but luckily the woman interrupts.

'It's okay. Thank you.' She turns to leave. The man glares at her back, then at me and then, with a loud sigh, turns and follows the woman.

She was obviously satisfied with my explanation and realised that my necklace wasn't some sort of remote detonator.

Don't get me wrong - I think airport security do a good job, I'm very thankful towards them. I just think things would have been easier had one of them not been such a miserable guts.

Deaf Girl

I'm right here!

Sometimes I think it must be difficult for my friends and family to adapt to my deafness. Most are happy to adapt and do so without complaint. However, a few sometimes let it be known that it's quite a hassle. It does sometimes leave me feeling as if I'm purposefully putting people out by having a disability. Shame on me. It is difficult sometimes to not feel like a burden.

However, I'm aware that it is difficult to change and to adapt. Most of my friends at university have only ever known me as deaf, so for them it's not too difficult. However, for those that have known me for a long time, it can be very difficult to adjust. For most of my relationship with them, I have been hearing. It is then difficult to change a lifetime of behaviour and adjust to new behaviours.

I'm aware it's difficult. I know it's difficult - it's difficult for me as well. I do have to admit though, that it does sometimes hurt. For instance, if I say I'm taking my hearing aids out and won't be able to hear you (unless you're facing me and I can lip read), talking to my back is not only useless but also slightly hurtful. It makes me think 'do I mean so little to you that you don't take in what I tell you about my disability?' It's common for people to forget, I understand that. But it can hurt - it can feel like you haven't even crossed their mind.

Luckily, this doesn't happen too often.

Something which does occur quite often, however, is people talking about me to my family - when I'm sitting right there!

To my Dad: 'Oh, so she's deaf?'
Me: 'Yes'
A quick glance at me, turning back to my Dad: 'But she can hear sometimes?'
Me: 'Yes'
Ignoring me, asking Dad again: 'So how does that work?'
Me: 'Without my hearing aids I can't hear. With them, I can mostly hear okay.'
Looking at me thoughtfully, then turning back to Dad: 'So do you sign to her to communicate?'

Uhm... Hello? I thought I was meant to be the deaf one, not you. What, have I suddenly become invisible? I'm sitting right here! I'm deaf, not dumb. IQ points aren't linked to hearing - just because I'm losing my hearing, doesn't mean my IQ is rapidly falling. You can have an intelligent conversation with me you know. I know, it's shocking - people with disabilities can be intelligent. Shock, horror!

Deaf Girl

A nerd

The brain anatomy course I was on now seems like a very distant memory. I had a such a great time and would love to go again next year.

At times I did feel like the nerdiest of nerds. Especially when I could answer a question that even PJ (who's a neuro-pathologist) didn't know. That definitely made me feel a) smart [something which doesn't happen very often - what with most of my friends being mathematicians, chemists, engineers, physicists and biologist] and b) a nerd. A very big nerd.

Sadly, it was only a handful of times that I felt this way - most of the time I was learning completely new things. I loved it! I never thought I would love learning as much as I did on that course. Yep, I'm aware - I'm a nerd.

However, it wasn't great all the time. There were times that left me feeling horrible, like a dead weight. For the practical sessions (where we examined real brains) we were split up into groups of five. All 120 of us were in one room. The background noise in this room was deafening - literally. I could not hear a thing, let alone any words that anyone in my group were saying. So when they asked me where I thought the thalamus or Broca's area was in the brain, I had no idea what they were saying. I was trying to lip read, but so many of the terms have very similar names that I wasn't able to tell them apart. The looks I was getting from them - I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. They clearly thought my IQ matched that of an ant. I did explain to them - again and again - that I was deaf and that I was trying to lip-read. They didn't seem convinced - even when I showed them my hearing aids. They continued to talk to each other - deliberately, it seemed - facing away from me.

I then stopped trying. I figured; if they weren't bothered about me, then I wasn't bothered about them. I stayed behind after that session and went through everything myself - that way I hadn't missed out on anything. That was the first time that I felt left out in a vindictive way, purely because I am deaf. I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the rest of my course though.

In one of the sessions we were also shown the cochlear nerve - I asked about the exact location an implant would go. One of the demonstrators showed me and then said 'the benefits probably wouldn't be very good - but I suppose some hearing is better than no hearing.' I replied that he shouldn't say that in the deaf community. He seemed surprised (as a lot of hearing people do) that people don't actually see anything wrong or bad about being deaf, and that given the choice they would rather remain deaf.

It all came to an end too fast, and I soon found myself waiting for my train at the train station. It was extremely busy, and I had a few hours to kill. I did something I probably shouldn't have done - I found myself a seat and started to people watch and lip-read their conversations. There was a young couple that were trying to work up the nerve to go to the toilet together for some 'fun time'. There were two sisters having an arguement about which celebrity was hotter (I kid you not). There was a man in an army uniform saying goodbye to his girlfriend, promising her that he would be back soon. It was then that I realised that I was eavesdropping and shouldn't be doing that. I quickly stopped and stood in front of the announcement board waiting to see what platform my train would be on.

Suddenly, about 50 people all started moving towards the trains. I was confused - what had just happened? Nothing on the boards had changed. Were these people receiving instructions that no one else could hear? Were we being invaded? (I told you I was a nerd). I quickly asked someone standing next to me what was going on. He looked at me as if I had just sprouted horns on my head and said 'the conductor just shouted that the train heading to *destination I am heading* is at platform 3.'

I sighed with relief, realising that there was no imminent alien attack happening in the train station. The man standing next to me quickly moved away, obviously fearing this stranger that had asked him a question and then smiled like a lunatic.

I left wishing they had changed the board and hadn't relied on a conductor shouting. What if I wasn't the only deaf person there? People could easily miss their trains. Luckily, all was well and I arrived home a few hours later. It was a great few days, but I am glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed!

Deaf Girl

"Eat in or out?" "Get it out where?"

I'm currently on a 3 day brain anatomy course. I love it. It's not been without it's incidents though...

Let's ignore my clumsiness (last night whilst out for dinner with a friend I managed to knock a bottle of vinegar off a table bringing it crashing to the floor and exploding everywhere and today I managed to drop my cup of coffee on the floor, great start to the day!). I'm the type of person that will trip over a matchstick - it's incredible how clumsy I am.

Let's ignore that part though. So I'm sitting in the reception of this course, in a room filled with 100 strangers. Slightly daunting, but not too bad; after all, we're all here for the same reason - to learn about the brain. I get chatting to a woman next to me who seems nice. She asks me if I want to go out for a smoke. I politely decline, saying I've given up smoking (46 days now!). She asks me again.

"Are you sure?"
"Yes, thanks. I don't smoke anymore."
"It's been so long now - if you have one now that first inhalation will be amazing."
"I know, it's okay though, it's healthier not smoking."
"Are you sure? You can always stand next to me and I'll breath the smoke on you."

Wow what an amazing offer. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to be breathed on by a complete stranger? Geez, what is up with this woman? I hope I was never so obnoxious or pushy when I was a smoker. Anyway, I thought it was HoH/deaf people that kept repeating themselves, not some random hearing Yorkshire woman. She eventually gave up and went outside to smoke, alone.

Then I started chatting with another woman. This one was actually sane and didn't want to exhale all over me. We chatted and sat next to each other in the lecture theatre, both giving our full attention to the lecturer. (As a side note - this lecture was completely different to a university lecture, in that no one was whispering to each other, we were all here for the same reason and 100% focused on what he was saying).

Unfortunately by the time we had registered and entered the lecture hall, it was almost full so we had to sit right at the back. This meant I had to really focus and strain to hear him. This was made even more difficult by a man sitting two rows in front of me - he seemed to have extremely sensitive hearing and complained that the microphone was too loud.

The lecturer (I'll call him PJ from now on) said he would turn the microphone down. My heart sank - there was no way I would be able to hear him if he turned it down, it was a struggle as it was. Luckily, a couple of other people shouted out 'no' as well. I felt for the poor guy - he had super sensitive hearing but was in a room with a deaf girl.

So we're all sitting there, paying attention. I'm literally on the edge of my seat; I'm that enthralled by what he's saying (yes, I realise that makes me a nerd - I don't care, I was in my element). Suddenly;

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP

I almost jump a foot in the air off my seat. I actually grabbed the table in front of me. What the hell is that noise?!

For about two minutes there's a horrible, loud continuous screeching sound. The poor guy with sensitive hearing was almost doubled over in pain. My hearing aids were screaming in my ear and giving me feedback on top of the screeching sound, so I quickly turned them off. Even with them switched off I could still hear a faint sound - which will tell you how loud it was!

Then just as suddenly as it started; it stopped. We never did find out what it was. We all looked at each other in confusion, then continued with the lecture.

At lunch time Em (the sane woman) and I go for lunch at a little cafe around the corner. That was interesting. I go up to the woman and ask her for a baguette. She's absolutely tiny and has some sort of accent. Why does her height matter? Because her mouth was bellow the counter so I couldn't lipread. Her accent also made it more difficult to hear her.

From what Em later told me, the conversation went something like this:

"Would you like that toasted?"
"A white baguette please."
"Toasted or cold?"
"A few days old? What do you mean?"
"TOASTED or COLD?"
"Oh, cold please. Can I have an ice tea as well?"
"Eat in or out?"
"I have to get it out? Where?"
"No, eat inside or away?"
"Yes I'm staying in London."
"EAT IN OR OUT?"
"Oh, in please."

This went on for a little while. I was getting more flustered by the minute. I could feel myself turning a beautiful shade of red (I'm pretty sure I was as red as the tomato in my baguette). The queue behind me was getting longer and longer and people were either snickering in amusement or angrily checking their watches. I was mortified.

Eventually I managed to get my baguette and drink, and sat down with Em. She asked me if it was easier for me if she faced me. I said yes, then I could read her lips. She asked if I would mind if she asked me some questions on what it's like being deaf and the cause of my deafness. I told her I was more than happy to talk about it - I prefer that people ask me questions instead of assuming things. I think she was dissapointed that my deafness is caused by nerve damage as opposed to brain damage (remember, we're on a brain anatomy course - so to have a live example of some sort of brain damage would have been fascinating). And before any of you say it - yes, I'm quite sure I'm not brain damaged!

After lunch we managed to get some seats quite close to the front, which made hearing him much easier and meant I could also read his lips some of the time. Luckily, there were no more incidents of any kind in the afternoon - the rest of the day ran smoothly.

Before I knew it, the day was over. It has really flown by. I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow. I'm also going to look for a different cafe - one where either the till is lower or the server is taller!

Deaf Girl

I want your blood

I'm currently waiting to watch TV, but my Dad is on the phone. Why is this stopping me from watching TV? He's decided to sit in the lounge to talk on the phone... out of the entire house, he chooses the lounge. The lounge being the only place where my bluetooth necklace works with the TV, hence the only place I can watch TV. I'm rolling my eyes and smiling as I type this. Typical Dad!

Anyway. I woke up this morning covered in mosquito bites. One must have bitten me and gone and told all its friends to join in as well. Luckily they're not itchy. If my Mum gets bitten, the bites turn into the size of a golf ball and apparently itch like crazy. My Dad just never gets bitten, or if he does it's only one bite and he has no reaction to it. I seem to have inherited Mum's frequency of being bitten, and Dad's lack of reaction to them. So all in all, not bad.

Since I've started to lose my hearing, I'm being bitten a lot more.

A hearing person would lie in bed and start to fall asleep. Then an annoying high-pitched buzzing sound would, annoyingly, wake them up. Maybe they would hunt around the room with a fly-squatter, or try and kill the mosquito with their hands or spray some bug spray. Either way, they would - hopefully - have gotten rid of the little nuisance.

Of course, I no longer hear any buzzing. Sure, I do when I'm wearing my hearing aids outside - hearing aids also seem to attract flies to land on the damn things! But when I'm in bed, I take my hearing aids out, meaning I hardly hear at all. Which means I don't notice mosquitos. The mosquitos must think it's their lucky day - finally, a source of food that doesn't chase them around the room trying to kill them.

Hmmm, I'm not sure I like being a free-for-all blood bank!

Deaf Girl

Sign language is not mime

Just a quick entry.

I am appalled by what is happening in Italy. The government is refusing to acknowledge that LIS (Italian Sign Language) is a real language. Instead the government is wanting to classify it as a subgenre of mime.

This is extremely insulting to the deaf community. It completely undermines a very complex language and undermines the community at large. It insults the history of sign language, and ignores the hardships that deaf people have had to go through. In most countries, at one point or another, signing was illegal. Deaf people have had to fight to be given fundamental rights and be taken seriously. If LIS isn't recognised as a language, it will have serious social, educational and political implications that will be damaging to the deaf community.

As Alison Bryan (a UK blogger) said; "Deaf people still need to fight to be listened to, without interference from those people who think they know what is best for them".

Sign of the times

I had a friend from highschool stay over for the last few days of university. I'll call her Peanut. It was great seeing her - hadn't seen her in over a year. And in that year she's started to learn BSL. Which I think is fantastic! I always get really excited and pleased when a hearing person learns BSL.

The day that Peanut arrived, my college at university was having a small music festival. Nothing big or fancy, just a chance for student bands to be heard. It gives everyone an excuse to just relax and have a drink (then again, we're students - no excuse is needed!). It was a lot of fun - I love listening to live music. The only problem is that I can't hear anything except the music. A spoken conversation is out of the question - my lip-reading isn't quite good enough to hold a long conversation.

On the other hand, I can hold a reasonably decent BSL conversation. Nothing deep or meaningful, but a decent conversation none-the-less. Usually there's just no one else around that can have a conversation in BSL. In comes Peanut. It didn't matter that I couldn't hear a word she was saying and that I wasn't focusing on lip-reading, we were signing away to each other. I could enjoy the music and have a conversation - it was fantastic!

At one point, the band that was playing took a little break between songs. It was at this time that all the conversation in the hall fell silent. Peanut and I were still signing away to each other. So the entire hall was silent. Until... 'Summer of 69' came blasting out. For a split second I wondered where on earth the music was coming from, as did everyone else in the room. Then I realised. It was my phone. With reddening cheeks, I fumbled in my bag to silence it (I was cursing the fact that I wasn't wearing my bluetooth necklace!). By this time everyone else had realised the music was coming from me, and a huge round of applause filled the room, along with some questioning looks 'wasn't she just signing? Isn't she deaf? How can she talk on the phone?' After what seemed like an age, I finally found my phone and answered it with a weak 'hi', which was met with a burst of laughter from everyone in the room. I think my face resembled that of a tomato. Then the band started playing again (they kindly waited for me to answer my phone before they started - which just made me more embarrassed and aware that every single eye in the hall was watching my every move).

The phone call, in case you're wondering, was a friend asking for a lift. So off Peanut and I went to pick them up. We then returned to my college to listen to some more music. At this point we decided to sign along to the music. Some people sing to it, we signed to it. The best song to sign to was definitely a cover of 'Bad Romance'. We got a few odd looks, but mostly people seemed amused by us signing the chorus. It's something I usually do to myself in clubs (like I said, some people sing, I sign), so sharing it with a friend was brilliant.

One thing Peanut and I did notice was the differences between our sign language. She lives down South, whereas I live up North. Just as there are different accents for different parts of Britain, there are different signs for different parts of Britain. Most of the signs are the same, there are just a few noticeable differences. Numbers being one of them. The differences weren't too big though - we had no problem understanding each other.

It was also great being able to sign to each other in the club later on in the evening and on the bar crawl the next night. Most of my hearing friends are pretty awesome in that they go above and beyond to make me feel included and to make sure that I'm not excluded too much because of my lack of hearing. I couldn't ask for a better bunch of friends. But sometimes I do feel like I'm asking too much from them, that my being deaf is a nuisance to them. (They've never done anything to make me feel this way - I'm just conscious of the fact that I don't want to be a burden to anyone). So being able to sign with a friend was just brilliant. Although I didn't want to sign too much as I didn't want to exclude all my non-signing friends. It was difficult - finally, I could hold a conversation without asking 'what?' every 5 minutes or just smiling like an idiot if I didn't hear something, but in doing so I excluded everyone else. I hope I didn't upset my non-signing hearing friends - if I did, I'm very sorry!

Seeing Peanut again was great fun - we had a lot of catching up to do. The fact that she could sign to me was an added bonus. Definitely looking forward to her next visit.

Deaf Girl

Au revoir

Last week was the leaving party for a good friend of mine, lets call her Frenchie. I will definitely miss her - university just won't be the same without Frenchie.

It was a good party. As Frenchie said herself; you can tell it's a good party when one or more people are either a) headfirst in the toilet and b) need to crash on the sofa. Both of which happened. It was definitely a terrific leaving party. Just hope Frenchie enjoyed herself as much as the rest of us did!

There was, however, one thing that did get on my nerves. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I got quite angry, which was probably an overreaction on my part. I did wonder whether to write about this or not. In the end I decided that this blog is here so hearing people can understand my world a bit, and this is part of that.

For most of the evening I was talking to two of my friends. Everything was fine. As the evening went on everyone was getting slightly more toxicated. My two friends then decided it would be funny to cover their mouths with their hands so I couldn't lip-read (remember, I rely on lip-reading at parties as there's too much background noise for my hearing aids to work properly). They then decided to whisper in my ear when I wasn't looking at them.

'Can you hear us?' 'What are we saying?' 'You can't hear us!!' 'This is funny.'

Hilarious.

I must admit, I did lose my temper and get angry. I know it wasn't meant in a nasty way, I know it was meant as a joke. I just couldn't take it like that. Especially when the 'joke' lasted around 5 minutes or so.

I imagine that you wouldn't go up to a blind person and say 'how many fingers am I holding up? Oh wait, you're blind, you can't see!' Or to someone that doesn't have any depth perception; 'try and grab my finger' and then proceed to move said finger. Or to someone in a wheelchair; 'let's run over there, oh wait, you can't, you're in a wheelchair!'

Perhaps I did overreact and shouldn't have gotten angry. Perhaps I should have taken it as a joke, as it was intended. I just couldn't. It just felt like something about me, a core part of me, was being mocked and ridiculed. Not only was I angry, I was also hurt and upset. It felt like I was being ridiculed and insulted for having a 'disability'.

They then made the comment 'oh, I bet we're going to read about this in her blog!' That's why it's taken me a week to write this entry, because I wasn't sure if I should or not. I know I did probably overreact and it shouldn't have affected me in the way it did. But it is something that affected me, so therefore, it needs to be in this blog.

Other than that, it was a great party. I made up with the friends concerned and we all enjoyed ourselves. I ended up sleeping over and crashing on a spare mattress on the floor in Frenchie's room.

I will miss Frenchie a lot. She's a great person and a wonderful friend - university just won't be the same without her.

Deaf Girl

Viva (fake) Vegas

It was the summer college ball at unviersity a few days ago. It's always a lot of fun - and this year was no exception. Dinner is served at around 7pm and breakfast is served at 5am, followed by the survivors' photo at 6am (the survivors' photo is for those that managed to make it to 6am without having a nap at any point in the evening). A very fun, but tiring event. It's taken me a good few days to completely recover. My poor body clock is still somewhat confused.

I had a fantastic time though - it was a lot of fun. First came the meal. I was sitting at the edge of the table, and one of my friends (thanks Mr. B!) kindly offered to trade places with me. That meant I was sitting in the middle which made reading lips a lot easier. There was a lot of noise at the meal as there were about 100+ students in the room. So I was relying very heavily on lip reading.

After the meal (which was quite nice) came the entertainment. We had our pictures taken and went to watch an Elvis Impersonater (not forgetting to claim our free glass of champagne, of course - have you ever heard of any student saying no to free alcohol?). I didn't think much of the impersonator... but that could be more to do with the fact that I couldn't really hear much, just a bunch of noise. I guess we'll never know whether that was because of my hearing, or it was just his failed attempt at singing... Perhaps it was a mixture of both. Suffice to say, I didn't feel a great loss when 'Elvis' (along with all the fat bulging over his far-too-tight trousers) finished his act.

Because the theme of the summer ball was 'Viva Las Vegas', there were a lot of options to gamble. (I would like to point out that the unversity doesn't endorse gambling and all the gambling done was with fake money). So of course I played my hand at the slots machine. Sadly, it was not my day. I was very relieved that it was fake money. Although it did remind me of my time in the real Las Vegas... (if you can't remember, read this entry). I was very pleased there wasn't a hottle room in sight.

There was also a Lady Gaga tribute act. I believe she was quite good, but I'm afraid I didn't watch much of it - mainly due to the fact that I couldn't hear much. There was also an unfortunate incident earlier on with the microphone that left my hearing aids making a horrible screeching noise in my ears. (If I wasn't deaf before - I sure am now!). So I didn't spend too much time out in the yard where the acts were performing, for fear of being attacked by the screeching again.

I was on the dancefloor at one point with CH1 (Crazy Housemate 1) and we were trying to talk to each other. As anyone that's been clubbing knows, talking on a dancefloor is difficult for a hearing person, but almost impossible for a HoH/deaf person. So she went to shout in my ear, but then remembered that that is useless. So she stood back and made sure I could read her lips instead.

It was a really good night. Mind you, at one point I did get to the stage where I was too tired to hear properly and too tired to read lips. That was interesting. I was enjoying myself and the atmosphere, but I couldn't make out a single word. I was just nodding and grinning like an idiot. I'm sure people thought I was drunk (when in all honesty, I'd only had two drinks the whole evening - including the free champagne).

When 6am (and the Survivors' photo) came along, I was thrilled. At this point I was dying for my bed. I'll probably end up staying up all night on Sunday evening as well, as it's the leaving party of one of my good friends at uni.

My body is going to hate me... but it's definitely worth it. You only live once and all that..!

Deaf Girl

Festivals

I've just come back from a long weekend at a festival. It was great - I had a lot of fun and saw some awesome bands perform. Unfortunately I had to leave early and didn't get to see one of my favourite bands perform, but apart from that, I had a great time.

Experiencing a festival as a deaf person is completely different than experiencing it as a hearing person. Although I'm classed as deaf, I do still have some hearing. So I can hear the music. However, even if I was completely deaf I would probably still go to festivals - I know plenty of profoundly deaf people that go to festivals. They may not hear the music, but they can feel it. Just because a person is deaf, doesn't mean we don't enjoy music. Profoundly deaf people just enjoy music in a different way than hearing people.

So I could hear the music, and thoroughly enjoyed it. But there was a lot of background noise, so hearing anything else was difficult. I relied a lot on lip reading - although this did get more difficult as the weekend wore on. When I'm tired it becomes harder to lip read. Ordering food from the stalls was interesting. If I got asked something, the chances were I didn't hear what they said, so I just smiled and nodded like an idiot.

The same went for talking with my friends. Some of the time I could hear them, some of the time I couldn't. Sometimes I just sat and enjoyed the atmosphere, not really caring that I couldn't quite hear what they were saying and it was too dark to lip-read. It was still fun. And there are only so many times you can say; 'what? What?'

I also decided not to go and stand amongst the crowds (i.e. standing as close to the stage as possible, being pushed about by everyone else trying to get as close as possible) or moshpit (where you push people and try and avoid getting punched). Instead I went on the viewing platform that is limited to disabled campers & their carers. Why didn't I choose to go the front of the stage? My hearing aids would have to come out and I'm not sure how safe they would be in my bag - all it would take is for someone to grab hold of it, for it to fall on to the ground and get trodden on and my hearing aids would be broken. And if something caught my ear - be it a fist, a bottle or anything else - and I ended up with a wound in or around my ear, I wouldn't be able to wear my hearing aids. They may seem like silly reasons, but when most of your friends & family are hearing and can't sign, talking is the only way to communicate with them.

What I also loved was that I was allowed to camp on the disabled campsite with a friend. I'm a big fan of the disabled campsite. It means I can park my car close to my tent (instead of walking for about 30 minutes carrying all the gear). The showers and toilets are also cleaned once a day - it's fantastic not having to hold your nose for fear of being suffocated by an ungodly stench. And the campsite is close to the arena. All things which are great.

The people you meet on the disabled campsite are great as well. In general, I would say that the people on the disabled campsire are more friendly and open and more willing to help in any way. (I have camped in the general camping area at festivals and found that the people in tents around you tend to stick to themselves). I find the atmosphere is more fun and you get to meet loads of people.

The only two downsides to the disabled campsite is that there's a curfew - meaning you can't bring in guests to the campsite after midnight (too bad if you've pulled someone and want to go back to your tent for a bit of privacy...) and it's a 20 minute walk to the village. The village is composed of different stalls, shops and entertainment and is pretty big. This is where most people go to after the last act has performed.

Whilst walking down to the village, I mostly kept quiet. Mainly due to the fact that there was a lot of background noise so I couldn't really hear anything, and there wasn't much light so I couldn't see to lip-read. I was walking down to the village with a bunch of people I had just met on the campsite. They were all talking and having a laugh together. I couldn't really join in, but I was enjoying the atmosphere nonetheless. I'm sure they must have thought that I was either being rude and not joining in the conversation, or that I was just extremely shy (the fact that I'm deaf hadn't come up in conversation yet). Although one guy (let's call him Bear) knew I was deaf. He waited until we got to a lit area on the path and then he started including me in the conversation - he knew the light meant I could lip-read. Definitely appreciated that.

There was also one major advantage to being deaf - when I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, I just needed to take my hearing aids out and there would be silence. No noise to keep me awake. Whereas I was aware that it wasn't always so easy for hearing people to get to sleep (unless of course they'd had a few drinks to help them!) That was a definite advantage. The disadvantage was that it took me a bit longer to wake up in the mornings as I didn't hear any noise to signify that people were getting up. But being able to sleep in silence is definitely an advantage and didn't leave me as tired as I might have been had I been hearing.

So, I had a great time. Am definitely glad to be home in my own bed now though. Camping is fun and all that, but it's nice to sleep in your own bed. Especially as there's no curfew in place! ;-P

Deaf Girl

Silence, exam in progress

Exams. I hate them. I despise them. Whoever invented them should be shot.

Right, with that little rant over, let me tell you a bit about the exam that I had today. If you discount the fact that it was a dreadful exam and very difficult, it was alright. It was definitely very useful to be deaf today.

I'm standing outside the room with about 15 other very nervous students. I'm in a small room as I'm allowed extra time for my exam. All the others in the room are also allowed extra time. It's nice not being in a big room with hundreds of other students.

Eventually we're allowed in the room. I sit at my allocated desk, get all my stuff ready. We're all sitting at our desk, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for the clock to hit 9.30am and we can start our exams. The seconds tick by. Finally, a voice booms through the room; "you may start your exam".

I'm reading my questions. A behind me guy coughs. I reread the question. He coughs again. I read it again and answer it.

On to the next question. The woman in front of me drops her pen on to the floor.

The next question. A guy to the left of me starts tapping his pen against the desk. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The next question. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The next question. The woman in front of me opens a sweet wrapper. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The exam invigilator whispers something to the guy behind me.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Question.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Okay. I'm about ready to stand up on my chair and shout; 'silence, please'! I'm ready to tear out my hair. I'm ready to make a scene.

And then... Then I think; you stupid, stupid woman! Just turn your hearing aids off! So I do. And...

Blissful silence.

I continue the rest of the exam in peace and quiet, not getting disturbed by anything or anyone. Fantastic. Or as fantastic as I could feel whilst taking this horrible exam.

Near the end of the exam the invigilator walks up to my desk with a piece of paper that says '15 minutes left'. I automatically sign back 'okay, thank you'. He gives me a strange look and then walks back to the front of the room. He obviously has information about me that says I'm deaf, as he's whispered to everyone else. So writing that note was really good of him. But he obviously didn't expect me to sign to him. Oh well.

I finish my exam with 5 minutes to spare and switch my hearing aids back on. The noise is deafening, if you'll excuse the pun. The guy next to me is still taping. Someone is blowing their nose. The airconditioning has been switched on and is very loud. Sweet wrappers are still being opened.

And I feel very lucky to be able to block out all the noise and live in silence for a while. And for a little moment, I actually feel sorry for all the other hearing people.

Ah, it's nice to be deaf.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Studying

My life has been taken over at the minute. By studying. I'm even dreaming about studying. That's how sad my life is at the minute; I'm living, breathing and eating studying. (Metaphorically that is - I'm not actually eating my study notes).

So of course, studying comes up in a lot of conversations I'm having at the minute. Apart from spouting random facts (did you know that the Hippocampus [part of the brain] is shaped like a seahores and deals with spatial memory and is located in the medial temporal lobe, posterior to the amygdala which is shaped like an almond and deals with the memory of objects and is located in the anterior temporal lobe? I'll forgive you if you've just suddenly fallen asleep). So, apart from spouting random facts like that at any person that is unlucky enough to talk to me at the minute, we also talk about revision tactics.

So my Mum and I were talking about different ways of studying. I'm very set in my ways and study using small cards with all my notes on them. Mum was suggesting other ways.

Mum: you could record yourself saying everything and then put it on your iPod (not that I have an iPod) and listen to it at night. You'll learn without even realising!
Dad: Hey, that's a great idea! You should definitely do that!

At first I thought they were joking. But they were deadly serious. I waited a couple of seconds, wanting them to come to the realisation as to why that wouldn't work. But nothing. I roll my eyes.

Me: I'm deaf.
*Embarrassed stares*

Moving swiftly on. Lip-reading class was good fun today. Although quite difficult as a) I was tired and b) we were learning the different shapes vowels make.

For those that don't know, vowels are very, very hard to lipread. Especially considering the different ways people pronounce vowels, depending on their accents. They are easy to hear but hard to read. Whereas consonants are easy to read. We were learning how to read the 'ai' sound. Such as 'hair', 'there', 'dare' etc. As English isn't a phonetic language, the same sound can be spellt in many different ways, as I just showed.

Luckily lip-reading is a lot easier to learn than English spelling - which I still get wrong years after learning it!

We were also talking about the way some people try and help you to read their lips, not realising that they are making it more difficult. To read lips, we need to see all of your mouth, so it's best to stand a couple of feet away from us and make sure you're not standing in darkness. A lot of people try and move closer thinking that is easier. After all - if a hearing person can't hear, you move closer to shout to them. If you can't see something, you move it closer to see it.

Not so with lip-reading. At least a couple of feet distance would be nice. And also proper pronounciationg - not mumbling.

Another thing we were also talking about was the way people react to being told that you're deaf/HoH. Some people start shouting. Shouting doesn't make a difference. In fact, it makes it harder, as the pitch of you shouting reacts to hearing aids and makes them ring in our ears. And whispering isn't good either. One person has a habit of whispering in someone's ear. Hearing aids just pick up a 'swishing' sound, not words.

A nice, clear voice is best.

Anyway. I feel I've spent too much time on this blog and have been ignoring my studies. Time to hit the books again. I just can't wait to read more about protanopia, deuteranopia and tritanopia (various forms of colour-blindness). Fantastic.

(Silently counting the days until the exams are over and my thoughts are no longer restricted to technical terms such as 'bilateral liasons' and 'myelination').

I want my life back...

Deaf Girl

A right tit

Guys may not want to read any further than this! You know me, I don't shy away from any subject, especially not if it has to do with being deaf.

So, I went to the A&E last night (for those not living in Britain, A&E = Accident & Emergency, aka ER). I've been having some problems with one of my breasts. In that it is extremely sore and tender (and not for any of the fun reasons!). Specifically, my nipple. I've been on a course of antibiotics to try and clear it up, but it didn't work. Then last night it felt like it was burning.

So, at just after midnight, off to the hospital I go. Drive myself there, park and then walk in to the A&E. It's packed. There goes any hope of leaving before 5am. Standing at the reception for about 15 minutes until someone comes to the reception and takes my details. I realise the receptionist is hard of hearing.

"What's your name?"
"Victoria." - making sure I'm facing her and speaking clearly.
"Gloria?"
"Victoria." - speaking slightly louder and still facing her.
"Gloria?"
"Victoria!" - speaking very loudly and still facing her.

We continue like this for a while. At this point I don't care that the entire A&E can hear us and know my address, phone number, religious belief, my doctor's name and surgery address and anything else she asked and I shouted back. All I want to do is see a doctor to stop the excruciating burning sensation in my breast.

She asks me what the problem is. I reply that I'm having breast pain. Using the same volume of speech that I've been using this entire time. Okay, so the entire A&E knows my breast hurts. I turn to sit down and avoid looking at anyone, though I'm aware that people - men especially - are looking at me with interest and curiosity.

Ten minutes later, my name is called. I look around, wondering if someone else has the same name as me. Nope. Just me. The waiting hour is 4-5 hours, yet I'm being seen after waiting for only 10 minutes. People are no longer looking at me with curiosity, but with open hostility.

It soon becomes clear why I was seen so soon. The receptionist had misheard me. She thought I said I had CHEST pain not BREAST pain. Whoops. So once the nurse realises I'm not about to have a heart attack, he takes my temperature. Only he doesn't tell me he's going to take my temperature, instead he just picks up his thermometer and tries to put it in my ear.

He's extremely apologetic when he realises why that wasn't such a good idea. It's kind of difficult to measure the temparture of a hearing aid...

Then off I go to see a doctor. He asks me some questions, which I can't understand because he has his back to me as he's typing on the computer. I tell him that I'm sorry but that I can't hear him and I lip-read, so could he please face me when he's talking? He says no problem. He asks me a question, I respond. He turns to his computer and starts typing, whilst asking me another question. I remind him I can't read his lip with his back turned to me. He turns around and asks again. Then turns back to his computer and asks another question.

This continues for quite a while, with both of us ending up very frustrated.

Then he asks me if I'm breastfeeding. I reply that I'm not, to which he asks 'are you sure?'.

Uhm... yes. I think I'd be aware of the fact that a) I gave birth and b) some infant randomly attaches itself to my nipple and uses my breast as a buffet.

Then he tells me to let my breast 'just hang loose'. Lovely. Just what every woman wants to hear. Just let my breast hang loose. Fantastic.

Eventually, he gives me some more antibiotics and off I go home.

I do have to say, my previous experiences with the NHS have been okay - but this left me feeling far from confident. Oh well.

Deaf Girl

Royal whispering

The Royal Wedding. Of course I have to mention it (some of you may groan at that), after all, it was on the news over and over and over again. Did I watch it? I did indeed, as did millions of others. Future king & queen and all that. Some of my family came over to watch it at our house and we had a small party.

And the reason why I was glued to the TV? Lipreading what everyone was saying... I didn't catch everything, but I did manage to read some of what they were saying. It was great. Everyone in the room kept asking me what they were saying. It was definitely fun being able to lip-read some of their conversations. Although I did feel a tad bad about it... invasion of privacy and all that.

For those of you wondering what they said, I only managed to catch a few things - Prince William telling Kate (should that be Princess Kate?) at the altar that she looked beautiful & lovely. Prince William telling his new bride when to wave and bow. Prince William telling his new bride that it's time for them to kiss. Kate asking her husband what's next and Prince William saying they want more. I also think he said it was embarrassing, but can't be entirely sure.

If you want to know more, here's a link.

Right, that's all I'm going to write about the wedding, promise!

I had a lovely evening out tonight with some friends. It was made even better that they considered the problems I have with my hearing aids, and they chose a quiet restaurant to go to, instead of one with a lot of background noise. I was very grateful and touched.

It was a lovely evening with much laughter and rude jokes.

What I also liked is that they asked me questions about my hearing - so many people don't want to ask me about it, or are afraid to bring up the subject. I much prefer being asked questions and explain what's causing my deafness, what it's like, how I feel about it etc.

Much better than people (often wrongly) assume things. I am also by no means embarrassed by my deafness as it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I can't wait until I have finally mastered BSL and can really throw myself in to the deaf community.

So, if you have questions, don't be afraid to ask!

Deaf Girl

The towel!

I was in my room yesterday, getting ready for bed. I had already taken out one hearing aid, and was about to take out my other one, when I heard my Dad call me from the kitchen. I put my other hearing aid back in and shout back.

'What did you say?'
'The towel!'
'What towel?' - me, confused.
'Where does it go?'
'What towel?' - me, even more confused.
'The towel!'
*Silence as I try, in my tired state, to grasp what he's talking about. Then I realise - the towel that had been washed, where does it go.
'In the cupboard by the stairs!' me - relieved I can now take out my hearing aids and go to sleep.
'No, the towel!'
'Yes, in the cupboard by the stairs!' me - slightly annoyed now. I want my sleep!
'No, the towel, where does it go?!'
'Cupboard by the stairs!' - me, getting very frustrated.
'Towel!'
'Cupboard! Stairs!' me - exasperated.
'Towel!!'
'Stairs! Cupboard!!'
'WHAT?!'
'THE CUPBOARD! STAIRS!' me - practically screaming my head off by this point.

And finally... finally, he hears me, shouting back something along the lines of 'well why didn't you say so?'. I roll my eyes as I go to sleep. He's not deaf, of course, nor does he have a hearing problem of any sort. Yeh, and I've just seen a flying pig...!

Deaf Girl

Vroom vroom

I had a nice day out yesterday with my Dad. I had a break from studying, so we thought we should go out - get rid of all those cobwebs in my head and really relax. We're both members of the National Trust, so thought we'd have a look and explore of places the National Trust recomends that is local to us.

We had a lovely day out and saw plenty of wildlife as well - red squirrels, pheasants, blue tits, bullfinches, greenfinches and plenty more. It was a really nice day.

If you don't count the fact that I was almost run over by a car.

Well, that's hugely exaggerating it. Perhaps what would be more apt is that I was a royal nuisance to the driver of this car because I would not get out of his way, instead I insisted on going on my merry way completely ignoring the car behind me. What a rude person - walking in the middle of a car park and not moving out of the way for a car to get past me.

Except, I'm not being rude - I just don't hear cars, even with my hearing aids in. If a car is going slowly, it makes so little noise - I don't hear its engine, I don't hear the sound it makes as the tires move over gravel or on the road. I just don't hear them.

It's happened a couple of times. Once in America, and again, we were in the car park. I was happily walking and chatting away, not really paying attention to my surroundings, until my Mum grabbed my arm and pulled me back and a car slowly crawled passed. I hadn't heard it approaching and had had no idea it was there. Most likely the driver thought I was some ditzy tourist.

Another time was in Lanzarote. I was standing taking a picture of the volcano somewhat in the distance, really focusing on trying to get the perfect picture. Until I heard a man yell 'Senorita, please!' Turns out there was a car trying to pull up in the parking space that I was standing in. He had been revving his engine to get me to move. I hadn't heard it. What an inconsiderate tourist, taking a picture and ignoring the local trying to park. How rude!

And it happened again yesterday. I was walking along with my eyes focussed on the tree-line, trying to spot wildlife. It wasn't until my Dad said 'there's a car, move to the side', that I realised I was in the way. Oops.

It is a problem and I'm always wary when I'm on my own as I wouldn't hear a car going less than 15 mph approaching. Now chances are, a car going that slow would most likely not hit me as they would manage to break. And if a car that was going so slow did hit me, it probably wouldn't be too damaging to me. But it is still a concern.

I also know how it looks to the drivers - some inconsiderate woman refusing to move out of the way. It's just that I cannot for the life of me hear them. I'm not intentionally being rude or difficult, I just don't know a car is behind me or driving near me.

So, if you're ever driving behind someone that is refusing to get out of the way, instead of getting annoyed, think about the possibility that they just cannot hear you. I'm not doing it on purpose (well, most of the time - unless I want to annoy my parents as they're trying to leave our driveway, hehe), so chances are, neither are they.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

The square!

I was in town the other day about to meet my Mum. We were going to text/call each other and meet on the highstreet. (I had my bluetooth necklace on). So I call my Mum. Voicemail. I try again. Voicemail. I call a total of 8 times, each time I'm getting voicemail. So I call my Dad and explain that I can't get hold of Mum. He explains that she's left her phone at home but managed to borrow someone's and called him. He then told me where to meet her.

"She says to meet at the round thing by the square thing."
"The round thing? The square thing?"
"Yeh, the round seat things by the square thing"
"What square thing?"
"Well you know... the square thing."
"What are you on about, what square thing?!"

Now bear in my that I'm connected to my bluetooth necklace and I'm standing on a busy highstreet.

I hadn't thought of that, as I continue talking to my dad about some square thing. It was only as I started to take notice of my surroundings that I realised people were giving me a wide berth. Some were eyeing me warily, others refused to meet my eye.

I can imagine what I looked like to them: some random woman standing in the middle of the street, seemingly talking to no one, shouting; "what square! Where's the square?! I don't know where the square is!"

No wonder people were avoiding me.

In the end, I did finally meet up with my Mum - the square my Dad was on about was actually the name of the shopping center.

So, that was my brief experience of being the raving lunatic shouting about random things in the middle of a shopping street.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Holiday

I have spent the past week in a glorious paradise called Lanzarote. I went there with my parents and we stayed at a beautiful resort, sipping cocktails by the pool and catching the rays. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, now that I'm back home it means I'm also back to reality. And for the foresesable future, my reality consists mainly of studying for my up-coming exams.

But let's not think about that. Plenty of time to think about my exams when I'm studying, but when I'm on a break from my studies (as I am now), I would much rather think of something else - if I didn't, I'd go crazy.

So. Lanzarote. Beautiful, peaceful Lanzarote.

I'm not a fan of flying. I find it rather boring. And my hearing aids don't like it either. You know that feeling you get in your ears when you take off? The pressure that builds in your ears until you yawn/chew gum and the pressure 'pops'? For me, no 'popping' happens. Seems the pressure in my ears can't release unless I take my hearing aids out - which is annoying when I have to take them out every 2-3 minutes. Which is why I'd rather not wear them when I'm flying, which leaves me deaf. It confuses the airhostesses and my fellow passengers - getting on the plane I seemed to be like every other hearing person. But once I'm in the air, I'm deaf. I do get some odd looks - 'is she making it up? She could hear fine 5 minutes ago!'

The taxi ride to the hotel wasn't much fun. I don't know what the taxi driver had in his car, but whatever it was, it was messing with my hearing aids. All I could hear in his car was a loud, continuous high-pitched tone. No one else seemed to hear it, just me. It wasn't a fun tone - when we arrived at the hotel 30 minutes later, I was about ready to throttle someone. No, scrap that. I was about ready to get a gun and kill his damn tone-emitting taxi!

Why didn't I take my hearing aids out, you say? Because I was being spoken to and it would have been very rude. Next time though, sod being polite, I'm taking my hearing aids out.

But the rest of the holiday was lovely. Peaceful, relaxing, paradise.

We were sitting in a restaurant at one point and a baby started crying. Full out screeching. The I'm-going-to-burst-every-eardrum-that's-in-the-hearing-range kind of screaming. My parents were getting frustrated and looked like they wanted to smother the baby. (Just for political correctness or whatever - my parents aren't violent and this writer [and hopefully the readers of this blog] do not endorse smothering - or any other acts of violence - towards babies or any other human beings). Whereas I was sitting there quite peacefully, enjoying my food and my bevarage. Screaming baby? What screaming baby? I had switched my hearing aids off. Lovely silence. As far as I was concerned, all was well. My Mum responded drily 'lucky you'. Indeed, very lucky me!

The only problem I had during the holiday was that it was very windy. The wind was nice, as it was very hot. But my hearing aids do not like wind. All I can hear is a swooshing sound. You know when you can hear wind on a video-camera? That's what it's like for me if I'm in a windy place. In some places, that was all I could hear.

On one of our sight-seeing tours we had gone to see an old castle. It was very windy. I spent the entire time trying to put my hands over my ears to stop the noise, or tugging at my skirt to stop myself from doing a Marilyn Monroe impression. I did not want to flash our driver (or anyone else for that matter). I must have looked rather comical - hands constantly switching between my ears and my skirt.

The rest of the holiday went smoothly. I had a lovely relaxing time - and on a sidenote, I remembered to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door when I had a bath!

Unfortunately, it's now time to study again.

Until another time,

Deaf Girl

Hello? Hello?

I was at home with my parents the other day. We were watching TV (I believe it was Bedlam - a series about the supernatural, but that's besides the point). I was wearing my bluetooth necklace, so I couldn't hear anything but the TV. So of course it's at this point my parents decide it's a good time to start talking to me. Never mind that I'm watching TV, but I can't actually hear you...

After some arm waving and shoulder tapping, I realise they've been talking to me. (I swear, it's impossible to watch an episode of anything the whole way through - why does it seem like such a good idea to start a conversation when you've settled down to watch your favourite series? It's not just my parents either, it seems like watching TV equals a green light to start a conversation, no matter where you are or who you're with). So I press pause and disconnect my necklace from the TV.

Mum wants to make a phone call to make a reservation at a restaurant for her and her girlfriends. Cool. She calls, talks to the guy on the phone. Suddenly, all I can hear is background noise and a man talking. I look around the room. TV is in pause, and there definitely isn't a crowd in my living room to warrant that much background noise (sure, my Dad and cat snoring are quite loud - but not that loud). And who is this strange man talking to me? Am I the only one that can hear him? Oh no... I'm hearing voices. This can't be good. Help.

That's when I realise Mum is talking in to the phone. 'Hello? Hello? Strange... I think he's hung up on me.'

Ah. That explains it. My bluetooth necklace randomly connected to the housephone whilst my Mum was on it. The man in my ear isn't some figment of my imagination (thank heavens!) but the man at the restaurant. Oh dear. How do I explain this one?

'Hi, this is the daughter of the women you were just talking to. I'm deaf. The phone decided to connect to my necklace which talks to my hearing aids. My Mum can't hear you but I can relay your message...'

Perhaps not. So, very discretely I press the button on my necklace which ends the call.

'Strange, must have been bad reception or something' - my Mum.

I smile weakly and nod whilst switching off my necklace. Mum calls back and they continue to sort out the reservation. Only after the call has ended - properly this time - do I confess what happened.

Whoops.

The next day Mum tells me the same thing happened again. She had been trying to make several phone calls but they kept cutting out. Only after the third or fourth time did she realise my necklace was lying on the table and the phone was connecting to that. Of course there were no hearing aids to transmit the signal to, so it was just going round the loop.

The lesson? If a phone is connected to a bluetooth necklace, make sure the necklace is off if a hearing person wants to use the phone and doesn't want to use their deaf daughter as the relay.

'It wasn't me, it was my necklace, honest!'

Deaf Girl

'Is that loud enough?!'

It's great having a housemate that can fingerspell. We often have conversations (true, they're rather short, but still) where she mouths to me so I can lipread and I reply back by fingerspelling. Works out great. It's definitely useful when I quickly need to tell her something then and there. Often, when I'm outside having a smoke, I'm reminded of something and I think 'oh yes, I must remember to tell CH1 [Crazy Housemate 1] that'. However, once I'm back inside I tend to forget as other things grab my attention.

So, fingerspelling and lip-reading through the kitchen window works out perfectly. Like the other day. I'm standing outside and notice a frying pan. Outside. On the kitchen doorstep. Why on earth is there a frying pan there? Is this a new trend that I hadn't heard about? Put your cooking utensils outside to avoid washing up. Of course! So simple! When the kitchen gets over-run by dirty dishes (I live in a student house, of course the kitchen is always overrun by dirty dishes) just put some of the offending articles outside. Simples.

But this time CH1 was in the kitchen while I was outside so, using a mixture of basic sign and fingerspelling, I ask her about it. She mouths back that they'd put it outside when it was smoking it a bit to cool it off and had completely forgotten about it. Ah, not a way to get out of doing the dishes then. Oh well.

Speaking of CH1. Her room is directly above mine. Which usually isn't a problem. Sometimes I suffer from insomnia and just potter about downstairs - reading, watching DVDs etc. Am usually pretty quiet. Apart from the other night. I had two friends over, we just relaxed in my room (get your mind out of the gutter people). At one point we started singing. They were slightly intoxicated and I'm deaf. So none of us could judge the loudness of our singing. Turns out it was pretty loud and CH1 was not impressed when it woke her up at 5am. Oops.

That's often a problem for me (not the singing part, the loudness part - although I'm sure plenty of people would say that yes, singing is a problem as well!) I just can't judge if something is loud or quiet - I either hear it or I don't, I don't hear the volume. Often people either have to tell me to speak up or quieten down a bit because it all sounds the same to me. The same goes for if I'm watching TV or listening to music - I can't judge the volume of it. When I'm at home, my parents have to frequently come down at 2/3am and ask me to turn it down as it's so loud. It's not intentional, I'm not talking/singing loudly or have my music/TV blaring on purpose to be obnoxious, I just honestly can't judge the volume.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Congratulations!

My BSL exam is getting closer and closer... it's still a couple of months away, but am already getting nervous. 24th May is D-Day (which happens to be 3 days after my psychology exam for university). Practice practice practice...

I must look quite the sight, standing in front of the mirror in the lounge signing away to myself and practicing my facial expressions (as I've mentioned before - facial expressions are key, it's the 'tone', 'volume' and 'intonation' of BSL). I can imagine people walking past that happen to glance in thinking I must be slightly slow on the uptake... after all, what sane person stands in an empty room making weird faces and gestures? Come to think of it, that may be why I sometimes get odd looks from the neighbours. That would explain a lot!

There is one thing I've noticed about the other pupils in BSL class. When our teacher is teaching us, some people carry on with their conversations to each other when she has her back turned to them. They whisper. She's deaf. As in completely and utterly deaf. As in she doesn't hear a single sound. And did I mention they whisper? It's no secret that she is deaf, yet they still whisper. Hmmm. And they whisper to me as well. And cover their mouths. No matter how many times I explain I am deaf, I don't hear very well and lip-read, they continue to whisper with their hands covering their mouths. Hearing people, strange beings.

On a side note, one of the women in my lip-reading class congratulated me today. I was quite confused and tried to rack my brain. Had I recently completed a marathon or some other note-worthy event? Had I made a ground-breaking discovery that would change the world? Had I won the lottery? Not that I can recall. So what on earth...? Seeing my confused expression she quickly replied; 'on your engagement!'

My engagement? This is news to me! More to the point who is this (un)lucky person that I am engaged to? Last I checked I was definitely single. Don't I have to give my consent to being engaged? Questions, questions...

'Uhm, I'm not engaged?' - me, very confused.
'You're not?' - her, utterly bewildered.
'Definitely not.' - me, very convincing.
'But you're wearing an engagement ring?' - her, very unsure.

Hold up. Wait. What? An engagement ring? I quickly look down at my hands. Ah. I'm wearing a custom-made ring on my finger. Ooooh. She had confused my cheap flea-market bought ring for an engagement ring.


'Well, you can never be sure what the current style is amongst you youngsters these days.'

Anyway, moving on. I went out on a girl's social last night. It was fun. The first time that I've met most of them. I'm sure they thought I was slightly odd (no surprise there, you might say). The social was in a pub. A very loud pub. A pub filled with drunken louts - I mean, slightly intoxicated gentlemen - watching a game of football (soccer to you Americans). And by 'watching' I mean 'shouting/swearing/booing/cheering'. So, my hearing aids were useless. Most of the girls were also absent-mindedly watching the game and so had their heads turned away from me towards the TV. So, lip-reading is useless. Let's just smile and nod and pretend I have a clue about what's going on. Yup, definitely made a good impression there!

Deaf Girl

Let the music flow and the drinks play.

I love going out clubbing. Don't do it often enough (well, in my eyes anyway. I'm sure my degree would disagree and say I do it too much). Love dancing to the music and (when I'm sober) laugh at/with (delete as appropriate) my friends or (when I'm drunk) have embarrassing pictures taken of me. Although the embarrassing pictures tend to show up even when I haven't touched a drop of alcohol. Hmm...

But I digress. As I said, I love clubbing. There are a few issues though. I don't wear my hearing aids when I'm hitting the town. A) for fear of losing them and B) they're pretty much useless in a place with a lot of background noise, like a club. Which makes it impossible to hear anything anyone says. I literally only hear the music (which to me isn't that loud, but I have it on safe authority that it's much louder in clubs than it is playing on my laptop).

So lip-reading it is. And boy, am I glad I've started to go to lip-reading classes. It definitely comes in handy. Of course it's easy for my hearing friends to forget that I lip-read in clubs. It's a hearing person's instinct to shout in their hearing friends' ears in clubs. It's the only way to communicate. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way for me. There's absolutely no point in shouting in to my ears in a club - I'm deaf, all I hear is the music. At the start of the night they remember that I'm lip-reading, but after a few drinks they quickly forget and the next thing I know is their mouths next to my ear. But my friends, being the lovely people they are, don't mind when I ask them to move back and let me read their lips instead.

I make mistakes as well. It's easy for me to forget that my friends are hearing. Without my hearing aids, I have no idea how loud my voice is. So, not wanting to be screaming at the top of my lungs, my voice is often quite low in clubs. Not very useful to my friends that can't lip-read. It's one of those things - because I'm learning how to lip-read, it's easy for me to forget that not everyone else can.

Sometimes I also find myself starting to sign to some people. When I can't hear, I sign. My parents are slowly catching on and can usually grasp what I'm signing. Most of my friends though, cannot sign. Which I tend to forget. I found myself signing 'Hey! Good day?' to a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I was met with a very blank look. I was thinking 'what on earth is wrong, did I say something wrong?' Then it hit me. I didn't say it I signed it. Whoops.

But for the most part it's not really a problem. After all, the point of clubbing is to dance & drink, not talk. Still love it. (Although I am finding myself going home earlier and earlier - oh dear, please tell me my age isn't starting to show!)

Then there's walking home after a night out. I'm always wary and tend to drive in to town and park my car close to the clubs/pubs. Firstly, because I don't much fancy walking back home alone in the dark. I live in quite a safe-ish area, but it never hurts to be vigilant. Of course - it's difficult for me to be vigilant as I can't hear. Unless I keep looking behind me every 10 seconds, I have no idea if there's someone walking behind me or not. I can't hear if there's someone behind me, coming out of an alley to my side or running towards me.

It's quite difficult to be aware of your surroundings when you can't hear a thing. I can see people falling about drunk and laughing with each other, I just can't hear them. If I can't hear loud-mouthed louts, I can't hear anyone sneaking up on me. So I tend to be over-cautious and always prepared. (Read - keys inbetween my knuckles ready to punch someone should they jump out at me.) And always have my car parked close on a main road. I figure it's better to be safe than sorry.

(In case you hadn't guessed, I've just come back from a class night out).

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Grumpy Old Women

One of the things I like about lip-reading classes is that you're with people that know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. Losing your hearing is something that hearing people and people born deaf can't relate to. People can sympathise and try to imagine, but never really understand. And most of the time that's fine, it's not like it's a big deal.

But it is nice to spend a couple of hours each week with other HoH people. This week, as well as learning how to lip-read, we were also sharing anecdotes which we could all relate to.

One woman had just had her cochlear implant switched on. For those that don't know, a cochlear implant is an electronic device that is surgically implanted and allows a profoundly deaf person to hear some things. See the picture below.



Anyway, as I was saying. She had just had her cochlear implant turned on and was sitting at home. Then she heard a noise she hadn't heard before. It was quite a frequent noise. What on earth was it? What did it mean? Where was it coming from? Was it a good or bad thing? It was only after she realised that the sound was happening every second that she realised it was the clock in her kitchen ticking. It was the seconds hand moving. A sound she had never heard before.

Another had an ear infection and so wasn't wearing her hearing aids (it was great to have a moan about being deaf with an ear infection with people that understand!). Only she had left the battery in and switched on. Next to a tin of cough sweets. She was out at the doctor's whilst her husband was at home going quietly mad as there was a strange high-pitched electrical noise coming from somewhere. It could be heard all throughout the house. When she came back from the doctor's he was about ready to tear his hait out. What the hell is that horrible noise?! She of course, had no idea what he was on about and couldn't hear a thing. Eventually the husband realised what it was and all was well - apart from his ringing ears and need to throttle someone.

I shared some of my stories (I left out the bedroom-antics-anecdotes as most of the people there are either old enough to be my parent or grandparent) as well. My neighbour recently greeted me from his drive way. I waved back. He yelled something. I didn't hear what it was, asked him to repeat. He did. I didn't hear it again and he was too far away to lip-read. So I just laughed and nodded to which I got a very odd look. He was probably telling me his cat had died or something. 'Oh wonderful, haha, yes rather!'

I was in church the other night. Chatting with a girl next to me. She asked me something - I thought she asked me a question about the conversation we were having which was rather depressing. I could make out 'how' 'you' 'feel' and 'about'. So I responded with 'oh I think it's dreadful, really terrible, it's devastating.' Turns out she was asking me how I felt about the fantastic news about Jesus and God. Oops.

So yes, it's great to be able to talk to people that know exactly how I feel. Lip-reading is quite fun. Although I'm sure to any observer we look like we should be on 'Grumpy Old (Wo)men' because of the way we moan and go on about things!

Deaf Girl

Achoo

I'm currently lying on my bed with a bar of chocolate watching Lip Serivce (which by the way, doesn't have any subtitles - very annoying) and a box of tissues on my bedside table. Yup, I'm ill.

Along with all the usual joys that come with being ill with bronchitis - delightfully sexy runny nose, alluring blood-shot eyes, seductive frog-like voice and a sensual cough - there is also the bunged up ears to deal with. My hearing at best is 40%. But when I'm ill, my hearing is practically non-existant. My hearing aids don't work when I'm ill either - it's like trying to catch a sound when my ears are full of cotton wool. Just won't work.

I had an interview the other day as well. Can't imagine what he must have thought of me, what with me coughing my guts up and asking 'sorry, can you repeat that?' every 5 minutes. Certainly wasn't very pleasant!

So. What does a deaf girl that looks & feels like death warmed over do when she's ill? Why, turns up at her parents' house for some TLC of course! Which is exactly where I am now, and plan on staying until I'm recovered.

I may be 23, but at heart, I'm definitely still a child. Nothing can beat recouperating at home with loving parents willing to do your washing and cook your dinner.

If it wasn't for me being ill, I might be enjoying it a bit more. Ah well, can't have everything.

Deaf Girl

Funny moments

As we all know, I'm a lip-reader. What I can't hear, I can see. My hearing aids work up to a point, and my eyes do the rest. Most - if not all - of my friend know this. But they often forget, and it's not obvious when I'm meeting new people.

Some people feel uncomfortable, as it appears I'm staring them in their eyes the whole time we talk. I've had one person make the comment that I'm quite 'intense' when they talk to me, to which I've had to reply that no, I'm not staring deep in to your eyes when we're taking, I'm lipreading...

There can be aother, albeit amusing, problems. One guy, when I was talking to him in a club, asked me if I wanted a kiss. I was confused - this seemed to have come out of nowhere. I politely declined his offer, generous though it may have been, and asked him where that had come from. He replied with something along the lines of 'well, the whole time we were talking you were looking at my lips, and I read somewhere that if a woman does that it means they want to kiss'. I laughed and explained to him I was lip-reading, to which he turned bright red.

Of course, there are other times that have caused me to laugh. For instance, when I'm wearing my bluetooth necklace (that connects to my hearing aids turning them in to a headphone) and answer my phone on that, people look at me strangely when I suddenly start talking to myself. Or some people think I'm talking to them and look very confused.

And on the topic of my bluetooth necklace - a couple of times it has connected to the TV with no warning, making me jump out of my skin! The first time it happened, my parents were watching some kind of action movie and I was walking down the hall from my room, when suddenly I hear gunfire and loud explosions. Definitely made me jump - but luckily I managed to save some of my dignity by not falling to the ground shouting 'don't shoot, don't shoot!', as I was very tempted to do.

Some people must also think I'm being very rude when I'm listening to music through my bluetooth necklace - like anyone wearing headphones and listening to music, I just don't hear anyone talking to me. But of course, because there are no wires, it just looks as if I'm ignoring them.

The same goes when I'm watching TV with my necklace on - my parents start talking to me but I just don't hear them. They laugh and say it's a likely excuse, but it really is!

Until another time,
Deaf Girl

Officials

Every month an online newspaper is released called 'The Hearing Times'. It publishes stories about/that affect HoH & deaf people. I enjoy reading the articles and normally come away feeling uplifted, as there are often positive articles in it.

However, this month there are several articles about how government officials are failing HoH & deaf people. For instance, in Wales a 52 year old deaf man was found in distress outside his home. Because he was deaf, the police that found him couldn't communicate with him. Instead of calling for an interpreter to ask what was wrong, they escorted him back into his flat and left him. Those police officers were the last people to see him alive - he was found dead in his apartment shortly afterwards.

Those that are close to me know that at the moment I am having my own issues with the police, and this latest story doesn't inspire any confidence in them whatsoever. Which is unfair. I know several people in the police force that are lovely people that are good at what they do. These people have a real passion for helping others and do a damn fine job. Unfortunately, there are just as many people that are complacent and don't care about what they do. Which affects the whole police force and gives people - myself included - a negative view of the force.

The same can be said for the NHS (National Health Service). An 83 year old deaf woman died in Gloucester whilst under the care of the NHS. Nurses at the hospital lost her hearing aid - making it impossible for her to communicate with the staff - and neglected to feed her. Because of 'the misplacement' of her hearing aids, she had no way to tell staff what was wrong.

Personally, I have had both good and bad experiences with NHS treatment. I have had several operations and when waking up from these procedures, my hearing aids have always been at hand. There have of course been instances with doctors and nurses trying to talk with me when I wasn't wearing my hearing aids - but the same can be said for everyone (including my parents!)

I just find it both appalling and sad that a) HoH/deaf people are treated differently by government officials and aren't as cared for and b) that those that DO care aren't noticed - we only hear the horror stories.

Yes, there are some nurses, doctors, police officers etc that are a disgrace to their proffession, but there are also some damn fine ones out there, whom we never hear about.

Deaf Girl