Difficulties

One thing about being deaf, is that people often misjudge me. For example, I am often described as 'aloof' or 'shy'. I am neither of those things. I can understand why I am described like that, even by people that know I am deaf. It is assumed that because I have hearing aids, when I'm wearing them, my hearing is just as good as any hearing person.

This is not the case. In big groups of people, or if there is a lot of background noise, I find it very hard to hear. I try to lip-read, but I'm not great at it. So often, I end up sitting back, just taking in the atmosphere, unable to participate in the conversations going on around me.

And this is why I am described as being 'aloof'. I am sociable by nature, and will often seek out company. I love to party. I love to hang out with friends. I don't mind not being able to always join in the conversation. But it can get frustrating. Especially when people just assume that because I am not talking, I am being anti-social. Or if I don't laugh at joke, that I am being miserable.

I also often get strange looks when I respond to something in a wrong way. It's very easy to mishear something. An example; 'I've got a pain in my knee', 'oh I'd love a cup of tea'. It can be amusing. And embarrassing. And it can cause some problems - if for example, someone is telling me something sad, but I mishear it for something else. Imagine someone telling you their grandfather has died, or their parents are getting a divorce, but you hear something completely different and laugh. If I'm not careful, I can cause a lot of offense when I don't mean to.

People also often think I'm being rude. Both my friends and strangers. Again, because I don't broadcast my 'disability', people often forget I am deaf and assume I'm ignoring them, when in fact I just didn't hear them.

There was one time when I was on a train, I wasn't wearing my hearing aids as my batteries had died, and I wasn't carrying any spare. I was just staring out of the window, lost in my own world, when suddenly someone shakes my shoulder. I look up to find an angry middle-aged man. He said something along the lines of 'I've asked you kindly to move from your seat as it is mine, now move.' He had raised his voice and was drawing the attention of other passengers.

Embarrassed, and slightly flustered, I pointed at my ticket, which clearly stated I was in the right seat. He looked at his own ticket, glared at me, and walked away. I was obviously just an obnoxious, rude youngster that had chosen to ignore him.

It has also happened several times when conductors ask me for my ticket, but I haven't heard them. Most are nice and wave their arms to get my attention. But not all of them. Obviously, after having asked me several times but being unaware, I received a tap on my shoulder. 'What, are you deaf or something? Let me see your ticket.' On this occasion, I wasn't embarrassed, but more annoyed. I replied 'yes actually, I am deaf. Here's your ticket'. I hadn't noticed, but several people had been watching. Some laughed at my reply, and the conductor went bright red. I did feel bad for him, and wished I hadn't snapped at him, but it can get frustrating for me as well as the person talking to me.

Things like that have happened on several occasions. I try my best to be aware of my surroundings, and to be aware if someone is talking to me. But I am human - and like anyone, I often find myself drifting away in my own thoughts.

So please, please don't think I'm blanking you or being intentionally aloof or antisocial. I just can't hear.

Deaf Girl.