Capitalisation of the D

A friend of mine has recently had an article published in our online student newspaper. The article (which you should read here), is about Sign Language and people's reaction to it. The comments that it received got me thinking.

Most people don't realise that there's a differnce between 'Deaf' and 'deaf'. The capitalisation of the 'd' is important in the Deaf culture. Most deaf people, prefer being called Deaf, not deaf. Deaf, with a capital, refers to the Deaf culture, whereas deaf without the capital refers to being hearing impaired.

Deaf culture is a vital part of BSL. Deaf culture is thriving. Many hearing people don't realise this, as it's very rare that they're involved in Deaf culture. But this culture has been thriving for years and there's a big sense of community. Even when teaching BSL was illegal, the Deaf culture lived on, avoiding the law and teaching their kids not only BSL, but everything that comes with being Deaf.

You can be deaf, without being Deaf. At the minute, I'm deaf, as I'm not fully immersed in Deaf culture. Likewise, you can also be Deaf, without being deaf. For example, a hearing child brought up by one or more Deaf parents is usually fully involved in the Deaf community, even though they are hearing.

When referring to any sort of culture, you would normally capitalise the first letter (ie. British community, French culture etc), and it is exactly the same with the Deaf community.

Me

Frenchie returns

Now that I'm back at uni, BSL classes have started up again. It's great signing again - though I've realised I've grown very lazy over the summer. The class was coming to an end, I was tired and just wanted to go home to sleep. The teacher asked me something, to which I replied. Except, because I was lazy, I only half-heartedly signed. Wrong move. The teacher looked at me, and then I realised my mistake. In being lazy, I had made the wrong sign. Instead of signing 'friend', I had signed a very rude word. The two are quite similar, especially when you're tired.

Luckily she saw the funny side. Serves me right though! I'll make sure not to get complacent, and give signing my full attention.

Despite that slight mishap, it's great to be signing again. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it. I love it. And the great news? My Mum has started to learn BSL as well. I'm absolutely thrilled about that.

For the past few days I've had a friend (Frenchie) stay over. It's been lovely seeing her. Have definitely missed her presence here at university. Hadn't seen her since the start of summer - so we definitely had a lot to catch up on. Which of course, meant staying up till the early hours of the morning, chatting.

She was lying in her bed, I was lying in mine, and we were having a good catch up and gossip. Was lovely. I do have a problem with late-night chats though - when do I take my hearing aids out? Often, the conversation will start up again when the lights are out and we're both just lying there. I normally take my hearing aids out before the lights go out. This time it was a guessing game - I didn't want to appear rude and not respond when I actually hadn't heard...

Frenchie is also an early bird. Or rather - I am not a morning person, and compared to me, everyone is an early bird. I like my lie-ins. Frenchie likes getting up in time for breakfast (unless I have an early lecture, I tend to miss breakfast and only surface for lunch). However, this wasn't an issue. She could move about and get ready with no fear of waking me up. There's definitely benefits to being deaf!

By the end of her stay with me, Frenchie had lost her voice. She started out by sounding nice and husky, and ended up sounding like a heavy-breather breathing down the phone... Now, losing your voice is annoying at the best of time. But especially if you're Frenchie - that girl likes to talk! Which I find great, because I like to talk just as much. She was struggling by the end though, with absolutely no voice.

Luckily - I can lip-read. It was great - Frenchie would mouth the words to me, giving me a chance to practice my lip-reading, and allowing us to continue to gossip. It also meant we were a bit quieter (my poor neighbour - he's probably been kept awake by random bursts of uncontrolled laughter in the early hours of the morning), as there was only one of us laughing.

Tell you what, lip-reading would have been a useful skill to have had when I was younger and having sleep-overs, and my pesky parents kept telling us that they could hear us talking and to go to sleep...

V

Popular culture

This past week seems to have been a very good week for BSL. It was everywhere I looked. Gone are the days when signing used to be punishable, we're going mainstream and being recognised. It's a good feeling.

I was watching a new series called 'The Body Farm' with my parents. Basically, it's CSI set in England. I became absurdly excited when I realised that the storyline for this episode involved Deaf people. Yay! I then became even more excited when I realised I could understand what they were signing. Go me.

The second time I noticed Sign Language being used was in a WebComic I read. Yes, I am aware that this is extremely nerdy, and I probably just lost all my streetcred by admitting I read webcomics. Oh well. Anyway, a character in this WebComic (Girls With Slingshots) is Deaf and signs. She never had much of a big part in it, but the past few episodes revolved around her. Which was exciting to me.

I'm a nerd. Shut up. Stop judging me.

Finally, the other thing that has me very excited is the music video to 'You Need Me' by Ed Sheeran. A friend gave me the link a while ago, but it's recently made it in to the Top 10. Ed Sheeran is a UK singer and his music video features a young signing actor. He signs the entire song. What's even better is that I can understand almost the entire song by the signing. I love it. Here's the video:



Just three little things, but they're pretty major. BSL is classed as one of the national languages in the UK. However, you hardly see it anywhere in popular culture. Until now. There's still a long way to go - but we're getting there!

Deaf Girl

Take it off

Not long ago I was going through airport security. I did the usual things; take my laptop out of my bag, put all the stuff from my pockets in to the tray (seriously, how is it possible to accumulate so much junk in a pocket that only fits 4 fingers?!) and take my shoes off. Stand in line, waiting for the bored security guards to call me through the metal detector. Get to the other side, without setting the metal detector off, and collect my stuff.

Only, I'm approached by two security guards. At first I think they're going to walk past me, then I realise they're walking towards me. The man (in his late 40s, short, fat and with a beard) looks at me with suspicious eyes. Uhoh. Have I done something wrong?

'Excuse me, what is that?' he says, pointing towards my chest.

I stare at him, looking slightly shocked, not entirely sure how to respond. Are my breasts illegal?

The woman with him, seeing my confusion, clears things up for me, 'he means the necklace'.

I look down. Oh. He's not pointing at my breasts (glad to know that having breasts isn't a crime), but at my bluetooth necklace. What's wrong with my bluetooth necklace?

'I've never heard of a bluetooth necklace,' he almost growls at me, 'why do you have one?'
'It connects my hearing aids to my mobile phone, so I can call people.'
'I've never heard of such a thing. Take it off.'
'It connects to my hearing aids.'
'Take. It. Off.'

I stare at him, he stares at me. I am clutching my necklace. I know I won't get it back if he takes it. I would be lost without it, and it's not exactly cheap. Around us, people are starting to look at us with interest. I feel myself going a lovely crimson colour (why do I blush so easily dammit!). I don't want to cause trouble, and I certainly don't want to be arrested by airport security and miss my flight. I just want to get on my way, with my necklace.

'Please, I'm deaf, I have hearing aids, the necklace connects to it so I can hear,' I say, whilst lifting up my hear and turning to him, showing him my hearing aids.

The man is about to say something, but luckily the woman interrupts.

'It's okay. Thank you.' She turns to leave. The man glares at her back, then at me and then, with a loud sigh, turns and follows the woman.

She was obviously satisfied with my explanation and realised that my necklace wasn't some sort of remote detonator.

Don't get me wrong - I think airport security do a good job, I'm very thankful towards them. I just think things would have been easier had one of them not been such a miserable guts.

Deaf Girl

I'm right here!

Sometimes I think it must be difficult for my friends and family to adapt to my deafness. Most are happy to adapt and do so without complaint. However, a few sometimes let it be known that it's quite a hassle. It does sometimes leave me feeling as if I'm purposefully putting people out by having a disability. Shame on me. It is difficult sometimes to not feel like a burden.

However, I'm aware that it is difficult to change and to adapt. Most of my friends at university have only ever known me as deaf, so for them it's not too difficult. However, for those that have known me for a long time, it can be very difficult to adjust. For most of my relationship with them, I have been hearing. It is then difficult to change a lifetime of behaviour and adjust to new behaviours.

I'm aware it's difficult. I know it's difficult - it's difficult for me as well. I do have to admit though, that it does sometimes hurt. For instance, if I say I'm taking my hearing aids out and won't be able to hear you (unless you're facing me and I can lip read), talking to my back is not only useless but also slightly hurtful. It makes me think 'do I mean so little to you that you don't take in what I tell you about my disability?' It's common for people to forget, I understand that. But it can hurt - it can feel like you haven't even crossed their mind.

Luckily, this doesn't happen too often.

Something which does occur quite often, however, is people talking about me to my family - when I'm sitting right there!

To my Dad: 'Oh, so she's deaf?'
Me: 'Yes'
A quick glance at me, turning back to my Dad: 'But she can hear sometimes?'
Me: 'Yes'
Ignoring me, asking Dad again: 'So how does that work?'
Me: 'Without my hearing aids I can't hear. With them, I can mostly hear okay.'
Looking at me thoughtfully, then turning back to Dad: 'So do you sign to her to communicate?'

Uhm... Hello? I thought I was meant to be the deaf one, not you. What, have I suddenly become invisible? I'm sitting right here! I'm deaf, not dumb. IQ points aren't linked to hearing - just because I'm losing my hearing, doesn't mean my IQ is rapidly falling. You can have an intelligent conversation with me you know. I know, it's shocking - people with disabilities can be intelligent. Shock, horror!

Deaf Girl

A nerd

The brain anatomy course I was on now seems like a very distant memory. I had a such a great time and would love to go again next year.

At times I did feel like the nerdiest of nerds. Especially when I could answer a question that even PJ (who's a neuro-pathologist) didn't know. That definitely made me feel a) smart [something which doesn't happen very often - what with most of my friends being mathematicians, chemists, engineers, physicists and biologist] and b) a nerd. A very big nerd.

Sadly, it was only a handful of times that I felt this way - most of the time I was learning completely new things. I loved it! I never thought I would love learning as much as I did on that course. Yep, I'm aware - I'm a nerd.

However, it wasn't great all the time. There were times that left me feeling horrible, like a dead weight. For the practical sessions (where we examined real brains) we were split up into groups of five. All 120 of us were in one room. The background noise in this room was deafening - literally. I could not hear a thing, let alone any words that anyone in my group were saying. So when they asked me where I thought the thalamus or Broca's area was in the brain, I had no idea what they were saying. I was trying to lip read, but so many of the terms have very similar names that I wasn't able to tell them apart. The looks I was getting from them - I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. They clearly thought my IQ matched that of an ant. I did explain to them - again and again - that I was deaf and that I was trying to lip-read. They didn't seem convinced - even when I showed them my hearing aids. They continued to talk to each other - deliberately, it seemed - facing away from me.

I then stopped trying. I figured; if they weren't bothered about me, then I wasn't bothered about them. I stayed behind after that session and went through everything myself - that way I hadn't missed out on anything. That was the first time that I felt left out in a vindictive way, purely because I am deaf. I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the rest of my course though.

In one of the sessions we were also shown the cochlear nerve - I asked about the exact location an implant would go. One of the demonstrators showed me and then said 'the benefits probably wouldn't be very good - but I suppose some hearing is better than no hearing.' I replied that he shouldn't say that in the deaf community. He seemed surprised (as a lot of hearing people do) that people don't actually see anything wrong or bad about being deaf, and that given the choice they would rather remain deaf.

It all came to an end too fast, and I soon found myself waiting for my train at the train station. It was extremely busy, and I had a few hours to kill. I did something I probably shouldn't have done - I found myself a seat and started to people watch and lip-read their conversations. There was a young couple that were trying to work up the nerve to go to the toilet together for some 'fun time'. There were two sisters having an arguement about which celebrity was hotter (I kid you not). There was a man in an army uniform saying goodbye to his girlfriend, promising her that he would be back soon. It was then that I realised that I was eavesdropping and shouldn't be doing that. I quickly stopped and stood in front of the announcement board waiting to see what platform my train would be on.

Suddenly, about 50 people all started moving towards the trains. I was confused - what had just happened? Nothing on the boards had changed. Were these people receiving instructions that no one else could hear? Were we being invaded? (I told you I was a nerd). I quickly asked someone standing next to me what was going on. He looked at me as if I had just sprouted horns on my head and said 'the conductor just shouted that the train heading to *destination I am heading* is at platform 3.'

I sighed with relief, realising that there was no imminent alien attack happening in the train station. The man standing next to me quickly moved away, obviously fearing this stranger that had asked him a question and then smiled like a lunatic.

I left wishing they had changed the board and hadn't relied on a conductor shouting. What if I wasn't the only deaf person there? People could easily miss their trains. Luckily, all was well and I arrived home a few hours later. It was a great few days, but I am glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed!

Deaf Girl

"Eat in or out?" "Get it out where?"

I'm currently on a 3 day brain anatomy course. I love it. It's not been without it's incidents though...

Let's ignore my clumsiness (last night whilst out for dinner with a friend I managed to knock a bottle of vinegar off a table bringing it crashing to the floor and exploding everywhere and today I managed to drop my cup of coffee on the floor, great start to the day!). I'm the type of person that will trip over a matchstick - it's incredible how clumsy I am.

Let's ignore that part though. So I'm sitting in the reception of this course, in a room filled with 100 strangers. Slightly daunting, but not too bad; after all, we're all here for the same reason - to learn about the brain. I get chatting to a woman next to me who seems nice. She asks me if I want to go out for a smoke. I politely decline, saying I've given up smoking (46 days now!). She asks me again.

"Are you sure?"
"Yes, thanks. I don't smoke anymore."
"It's been so long now - if you have one now that first inhalation will be amazing."
"I know, it's okay though, it's healthier not smoking."
"Are you sure? You can always stand next to me and I'll breath the smoke on you."

Wow what an amazing offer. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to be breathed on by a complete stranger? Geez, what is up with this woman? I hope I was never so obnoxious or pushy when I was a smoker. Anyway, I thought it was HoH/deaf people that kept repeating themselves, not some random hearing Yorkshire woman. She eventually gave up and went outside to smoke, alone.

Then I started chatting with another woman. This one was actually sane and didn't want to exhale all over me. We chatted and sat next to each other in the lecture theatre, both giving our full attention to the lecturer. (As a side note - this lecture was completely different to a university lecture, in that no one was whispering to each other, we were all here for the same reason and 100% focused on what he was saying).

Unfortunately by the time we had registered and entered the lecture hall, it was almost full so we had to sit right at the back. This meant I had to really focus and strain to hear him. This was made even more difficult by a man sitting two rows in front of me - he seemed to have extremely sensitive hearing and complained that the microphone was too loud.

The lecturer (I'll call him PJ from now on) said he would turn the microphone down. My heart sank - there was no way I would be able to hear him if he turned it down, it was a struggle as it was. Luckily, a couple of other people shouted out 'no' as well. I felt for the poor guy - he had super sensitive hearing but was in a room with a deaf girl.

So we're all sitting there, paying attention. I'm literally on the edge of my seat; I'm that enthralled by what he's saying (yes, I realise that makes me a nerd - I don't care, I was in my element). Suddenly;

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP

I almost jump a foot in the air off my seat. I actually grabbed the table in front of me. What the hell is that noise?!

For about two minutes there's a horrible, loud continuous screeching sound. The poor guy with sensitive hearing was almost doubled over in pain. My hearing aids were screaming in my ear and giving me feedback on top of the screeching sound, so I quickly turned them off. Even with them switched off I could still hear a faint sound - which will tell you how loud it was!

Then just as suddenly as it started; it stopped. We never did find out what it was. We all looked at each other in confusion, then continued with the lecture.

At lunch time Em (the sane woman) and I go for lunch at a little cafe around the corner. That was interesting. I go up to the woman and ask her for a baguette. She's absolutely tiny and has some sort of accent. Why does her height matter? Because her mouth was bellow the counter so I couldn't lipread. Her accent also made it more difficult to hear her.

From what Em later told me, the conversation went something like this:

"Would you like that toasted?"
"A white baguette please."
"Toasted or cold?"
"A few days old? What do you mean?"
"TOASTED or COLD?"
"Oh, cold please. Can I have an ice tea as well?"
"Eat in or out?"
"I have to get it out? Where?"
"No, eat inside or away?"
"Yes I'm staying in London."
"EAT IN OR OUT?"
"Oh, in please."

This went on for a little while. I was getting more flustered by the minute. I could feel myself turning a beautiful shade of red (I'm pretty sure I was as red as the tomato in my baguette). The queue behind me was getting longer and longer and people were either snickering in amusement or angrily checking their watches. I was mortified.

Eventually I managed to get my baguette and drink, and sat down with Em. She asked me if it was easier for me if she faced me. I said yes, then I could read her lips. She asked if I would mind if she asked me some questions on what it's like being deaf and the cause of my deafness. I told her I was more than happy to talk about it - I prefer that people ask me questions instead of assuming things. I think she was dissapointed that my deafness is caused by nerve damage as opposed to brain damage (remember, we're on a brain anatomy course - so to have a live example of some sort of brain damage would have been fascinating). And before any of you say it - yes, I'm quite sure I'm not brain damaged!

After lunch we managed to get some seats quite close to the front, which made hearing him much easier and meant I could also read his lips some of the time. Luckily, there were no more incidents of any kind in the afternoon - the rest of the day ran smoothly.

Before I knew it, the day was over. It has really flown by. I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow. I'm also going to look for a different cafe - one where either the till is lower or the server is taller!

Deaf Girl