Nerves

Last Thursday was the start of level 3 BSL.  It was horrific.  I hadn't signed in over 3 months and have forgotten so much.  It was made even worse by the fact that most of the other people there seemed to understand everything.  Bugger.

Like any language, if you don't practice - you forget.  The first hour of the class, I was extremely disheartened.  I was wondering if I should bother to continue - I'll never be fluent in it, I'll never be accepted in the Deaf community...  It took one of my friends telling me that she was considering just getting in her car and driving home during the break to make me realise that I need to stick it out.  I think I managed to convince my friend to stick it out as well.

The second part of the class went a lot better than the first.  I was understanding a lot more and felt more confident and determined.  It's going to take me years to be fluent in BSL.  I can't expect to be fluent in only a few years.

Level 3 is definitely harder than level 1 & 2, but for me, it's worth it.  After all, I may be completely deaf myself one day, so it's better that I learn the language now.  Level 3 is also different, in that I'm required to go to Deaf clubs and film myself signing.

I'm quite nervous about going to a Deaf club.  My signing is nowhere near up to par.  I'm worried that I won't fit in.  I might be completely deaf myself one day - but at the minute I still have some hearing, so I'm worried that I will be an outsider.

But, I just have to wait and see.  There's absolutely no point in worrying about how I might be treated.  At least I'm making the effort and learning this amazing language, and that has to count for something.  Right?