I want your blood

I'm currently waiting to watch TV, but my Dad is on the phone. Why is this stopping me from watching TV? He's decided to sit in the lounge to talk on the phone... out of the entire house, he chooses the lounge. The lounge being the only place where my bluetooth necklace works with the TV, hence the only place I can watch TV. I'm rolling my eyes and smiling as I type this. Typical Dad!

Anyway. I woke up this morning covered in mosquito bites. One must have bitten me and gone and told all its friends to join in as well. Luckily they're not itchy. If my Mum gets bitten, the bites turn into the size of a golf ball and apparently itch like crazy. My Dad just never gets bitten, or if he does it's only one bite and he has no reaction to it. I seem to have inherited Mum's frequency of being bitten, and Dad's lack of reaction to them. So all in all, not bad.

Since I've started to lose my hearing, I'm being bitten a lot more.

A hearing person would lie in bed and start to fall asleep. Then an annoying high-pitched buzzing sound would, annoyingly, wake them up. Maybe they would hunt around the room with a fly-squatter, or try and kill the mosquito with their hands or spray some bug spray. Either way, they would - hopefully - have gotten rid of the little nuisance.

Of course, I no longer hear any buzzing. Sure, I do when I'm wearing my hearing aids outside - hearing aids also seem to attract flies to land on the damn things! But when I'm in bed, I take my hearing aids out, meaning I hardly hear at all. Which means I don't notice mosquitos. The mosquitos must think it's their lucky day - finally, a source of food that doesn't chase them around the room trying to kill them.

Hmmm, I'm not sure I like being a free-for-all blood bank!

Deaf Girl

Silence, exam in progress

Exams. I hate them. I despise them. Whoever invented them should be shot.

Right, with that little rant over, let me tell you a bit about the exam that I had today. If you discount the fact that it was a dreadful exam and very difficult, it was alright. It was definitely very useful to be deaf today.

I'm standing outside the room with about 15 other very nervous students. I'm in a small room as I'm allowed extra time for my exam. All the others in the room are also allowed extra time. It's nice not being in a big room with hundreds of other students.

Eventually we're allowed in the room. I sit at my allocated desk, get all my stuff ready. We're all sitting at our desk, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for the clock to hit 9.30am and we can start our exams. The seconds tick by. Finally, a voice booms through the room; "you may start your exam".

I'm reading my questions. A behind me guy coughs. I reread the question. He coughs again. I read it again and answer it.

On to the next question. The woman in front of me drops her pen on to the floor.

The next question. A guy to the left of me starts tapping his pen against the desk. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The next question. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The next question. The woman in front of me opens a sweet wrapper. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The exam invigilator whispers something to the guy behind me.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Question.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Okay. I'm about ready to stand up on my chair and shout; 'silence, please'! I'm ready to tear out my hair. I'm ready to make a scene.

And then... Then I think; you stupid, stupid woman! Just turn your hearing aids off! So I do. And...

Blissful silence.

I continue the rest of the exam in peace and quiet, not getting disturbed by anything or anyone. Fantastic. Or as fantastic as I could feel whilst taking this horrible exam.

Near the end of the exam the invigilator walks up to my desk with a piece of paper that says '15 minutes left'. I automatically sign back 'okay, thank you'. He gives me a strange look and then walks back to the front of the room. He obviously has information about me that says I'm deaf, as he's whispered to everyone else. So writing that note was really good of him. But he obviously didn't expect me to sign to him. Oh well.

I finish my exam with 5 minutes to spare and switch my hearing aids back on. The noise is deafening, if you'll excuse the pun. The guy next to me is still taping. Someone is blowing their nose. The airconditioning has been switched on and is very loud. Sweet wrappers are still being opened.

And I feel very lucky to be able to block out all the noise and live in silence for a while. And for a little moment, I actually feel sorry for all the other hearing people.

Ah, it's nice to be deaf.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

The towel!

I was in my room yesterday, getting ready for bed. I had already taken out one hearing aid, and was about to take out my other one, when I heard my Dad call me from the kitchen. I put my other hearing aid back in and shout back.

'What did you say?'
'The towel!'
'What towel?' - me, confused.
'Where does it go?'
'What towel?' - me, even more confused.
'The towel!'
*Silence as I try, in my tired state, to grasp what he's talking about. Then I realise - the towel that had been washed, where does it go.
'In the cupboard by the stairs!' me - relieved I can now take out my hearing aids and go to sleep.
'No, the towel!'
'Yes, in the cupboard by the stairs!' me - slightly annoyed now. I want my sleep!
'No, the towel, where does it go?!'
'Cupboard by the stairs!' - me, getting very frustrated.
'Towel!'
'Cupboard! Stairs!' me - exasperated.
'Towel!!'
'Stairs! Cupboard!!'
'WHAT?!'
'THE CUPBOARD! STAIRS!' me - practically screaming my head off by this point.

And finally... finally, he hears me, shouting back something along the lines of 'well why didn't you say so?'. I roll my eyes as I go to sleep. He's not deaf, of course, nor does he have a hearing problem of any sort. Yeh, and I've just seen a flying pig...!

Deaf Girl

Vroom vroom

I had a nice day out yesterday with my Dad. I had a break from studying, so we thought we should go out - get rid of all those cobwebs in my head and really relax. We're both members of the National Trust, so thought we'd have a look and explore of places the National Trust recomends that is local to us.

We had a lovely day out and saw plenty of wildlife as well - red squirrels, pheasants, blue tits, bullfinches, greenfinches and plenty more. It was a really nice day.

If you don't count the fact that I was almost run over by a car.

Well, that's hugely exaggerating it. Perhaps what would be more apt is that I was a royal nuisance to the driver of this car because I would not get out of his way, instead I insisted on going on my merry way completely ignoring the car behind me. What a rude person - walking in the middle of a car park and not moving out of the way for a car to get past me.

Except, I'm not being rude - I just don't hear cars, even with my hearing aids in. If a car is going slowly, it makes so little noise - I don't hear its engine, I don't hear the sound it makes as the tires move over gravel or on the road. I just don't hear them.

It's happened a couple of times. Once in America, and again, we were in the car park. I was happily walking and chatting away, not really paying attention to my surroundings, until my Mum grabbed my arm and pulled me back and a car slowly crawled passed. I hadn't heard it approaching and had had no idea it was there. Most likely the driver thought I was some ditzy tourist.

Another time was in Lanzarote. I was standing taking a picture of the volcano somewhat in the distance, really focusing on trying to get the perfect picture. Until I heard a man yell 'Senorita, please!' Turns out there was a car trying to pull up in the parking space that I was standing in. He had been revving his engine to get me to move. I hadn't heard it. What an inconsiderate tourist, taking a picture and ignoring the local trying to park. How rude!

And it happened again yesterday. I was walking along with my eyes focussed on the tree-line, trying to spot wildlife. It wasn't until my Dad said 'there's a car, move to the side', that I realised I was in the way. Oops.

It is a problem and I'm always wary when I'm on my own as I wouldn't hear a car going less than 15 mph approaching. Now chances are, a car going that slow would most likely not hit me as they would manage to break. And if a car that was going so slow did hit me, it probably wouldn't be too damaging to me. But it is still a concern.

I also know how it looks to the drivers - some inconsiderate woman refusing to move out of the way. It's just that I cannot for the life of me hear them. I'm not intentionally being rude or difficult, I just don't know a car is behind me or driving near me.

So, if you're ever driving behind someone that is refusing to get out of the way, instead of getting annoyed, think about the possibility that they just cannot hear you. I'm not doing it on purpose (well, most of the time - unless I want to annoy my parents as they're trying to leave our driveway, hehe), so chances are, neither are they.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Holiday

I have spent the past week in a glorious paradise called Lanzarote. I went there with my parents and we stayed at a beautiful resort, sipping cocktails by the pool and catching the rays. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, now that I'm back home it means I'm also back to reality. And for the foresesable future, my reality consists mainly of studying for my up-coming exams.

But let's not think about that. Plenty of time to think about my exams when I'm studying, but when I'm on a break from my studies (as I am now), I would much rather think of something else - if I didn't, I'd go crazy.

So. Lanzarote. Beautiful, peaceful Lanzarote.

I'm not a fan of flying. I find it rather boring. And my hearing aids don't like it either. You know that feeling you get in your ears when you take off? The pressure that builds in your ears until you yawn/chew gum and the pressure 'pops'? For me, no 'popping' happens. Seems the pressure in my ears can't release unless I take my hearing aids out - which is annoying when I have to take them out every 2-3 minutes. Which is why I'd rather not wear them when I'm flying, which leaves me deaf. It confuses the airhostesses and my fellow passengers - getting on the plane I seemed to be like every other hearing person. But once I'm in the air, I'm deaf. I do get some odd looks - 'is she making it up? She could hear fine 5 minutes ago!'

The taxi ride to the hotel wasn't much fun. I don't know what the taxi driver had in his car, but whatever it was, it was messing with my hearing aids. All I could hear in his car was a loud, continuous high-pitched tone. No one else seemed to hear it, just me. It wasn't a fun tone - when we arrived at the hotel 30 minutes later, I was about ready to throttle someone. No, scrap that. I was about ready to get a gun and kill his damn tone-emitting taxi!

Why didn't I take my hearing aids out, you say? Because I was being spoken to and it would have been very rude. Next time though, sod being polite, I'm taking my hearing aids out.

But the rest of the holiday was lovely. Peaceful, relaxing, paradise.

We were sitting in a restaurant at one point and a baby started crying. Full out screeching. The I'm-going-to-burst-every-eardrum-that's-in-the-hearing-range kind of screaming. My parents were getting frustrated and looked like they wanted to smother the baby. (Just for political correctness or whatever - my parents aren't violent and this writer [and hopefully the readers of this blog] do not endorse smothering - or any other acts of violence - towards babies or any other human beings). Whereas I was sitting there quite peacefully, enjoying my food and my bevarage. Screaming baby? What screaming baby? I had switched my hearing aids off. Lovely silence. As far as I was concerned, all was well. My Mum responded drily 'lucky you'. Indeed, very lucky me!

The only problem I had during the holiday was that it was very windy. The wind was nice, as it was very hot. But my hearing aids do not like wind. All I can hear is a swooshing sound. You know when you can hear wind on a video-camera? That's what it's like for me if I'm in a windy place. In some places, that was all I could hear.

On one of our sight-seeing tours we had gone to see an old castle. It was very windy. I spent the entire time trying to put my hands over my ears to stop the noise, or tugging at my skirt to stop myself from doing a Marilyn Monroe impression. I did not want to flash our driver (or anyone else for that matter). I must have looked rather comical - hands constantly switching between my ears and my skirt.

The rest of the holiday went smoothly. I had a lovely relaxing time - and on a sidenote, I remembered to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door when I had a bath!

Unfortunately, it's now time to study again.

Until another time,

Deaf Girl

Winter Wonderland

Everywhere you look at the minute all you can see is a sea of white. The beautiful colours of autumn have been replaced by a tranquil winter wonderland. Trees that were once full of colour are now a winter masterpiece covered in snow and ice. It truly is breathtaking (sometimes quite literally as your lungs are assaulted by the cold air!)

So, what do you do with all this magic around you? Simple - have a snow fight!

Snow has a way of bringing out your inner child. The purity and beauty of the snow speaks to your childish delights and it's not long before your mischievious inner self is let out to play.

Of course, sponatenous snow fights are out of the question - cheeky friends can't suddenly pelt me with snowballs as it could damage my hearing aids. But once I've taken out my hearing aids, let the fun begin.

There is nothing like running around, laughing and attacking your friends with a snowball.

I am slightly at a disadvantage - without my hearing aids, I can't hear anyone sneak up behind me. The tell-tale 'crunch crunch' of a boot on crisp snow falls, quite literally, on deaf ears with me.

So I've come up with a very simple solution (other than trying not to have my back to everyone). A hat. Now why didn't I think of that before? This came to me after I'd already been in a few snow fights. So simple.

I have a nice purple hat that I can pull down over my ears. Which means I can wear my hearing aids. Sure, it will block out some sound, but I won't be nearly as deaf as I am without my hearing aids. And another advantage - I won't be as cold either!

So, I now carry the hat in my handbag, for whenever the next impromptu snow fight is.

Ready... set... fire!

Deaf Girl

Party time

It was my friend's birthday yesterday. Was a really fun night. We went for a picnic and then had a houseparty. All had a lovely time.

I tend to take a lot of pictures at big gatherings. Firstly, because I'm a photographer's daughter and secondly, because when you can't really hear, it's easier to take pictures. As I said before, people tend to think I'm aloof or not interested because I don't talk much at loud gatherings. I can try and focus on a conversation between a few people, as long as I can see their lips. But there's a lot of noise going on, and it's difficult to know who to focus on.

So it's easier to take pictures. I'm part of the party and am excused from trying to hear. People just roll their eyes. But it is easier to sit back and snap pictures, rather than sit back silently and look like I'm not enjoying myself. Which is never the case, as I've said in a previous entry, am happy to enjoy the atmosphere, and can talk with the people directly close to me. I enjoy parties just as much as anyone, but I enjoy them for different reasons.

So, that's why I tend to take a lot of pictures. It's also one of the reasons why I used to smoke. If things are really noisy and loud and I just can't focus on any one thing in particular - like in a club, where the music is normally just to loud to hear anyone, it's easier to have an excuse to slip out. Like smoking. It's easier to say I'm going out for a smoke than it is to say it's too loud, I can't focus on anything, it's like all the sounds are a blur and is slightly uncomfortable. I love clubbing. But I need some time outside as well. And if I'm smoking when I'm outside, people don't give me any strange looks, whereas if I'm standing outside doing nothing, I get very strange looks.

Of course, now I've quit smoking I'll just have to go back to getting strange looks.

It's also the reason why I don't tend to talk on the dancefloor - it's basically impossible for me to make sense of anything. And why I prefer to stand/sit in the corner to talk where the music is generally somewhat quieter.

I also don't wear my hearing aids when I'm clubbing. It picks up the loudest noise, in this case, it's the music. There's no point in wearing them. I do wear them at parties, but once the music comes one - which it should, it's a party - it makes it more difficult to hear, as the music and all the people talking and whatever other noises are going on, just makes all the noises jumble together.

But like I said, I love parties and I love to go clubbing. If people are going out, you can hardly stop me! But it is slightly difficult for hard of hearing and deaf people. We enjoy parties and clubbing in slightly different ways, but still enjoy them none-the-less.

Deaf Girl

A bit wet

Hearing aids aren't waterproof. Which is unfortunate. I can't wear them when I go swimming, or have a shower, if it's torrential rain outside or whenever there's a lot of water around. In these cases, I have to take my hearing aids out and am deaf.

It's quite annoying, as there's certain things I can't do - have spontaneous water fights, play assassins etc. I'm also very aware of people playing pranks - if someone were to pour a glass of water - or any liquid - over my head as a joke, it would ruin hearing aids. And they aren't cheap!

But really, it's a small price to pay. Hearing aids are complex little things with batteries. And like most things with batteries, they aren't waterproof. Not really a big deal. So sometimes I have to be extra careful and sometimes I'm deaf. Not a big deal at all. Not like it does any harm... Or so you'd think!

There was one time when I was having a shower at my then-boyfriend's house. My hearing aids were out and I was enjoying the hot water - I tend to have quite long showers. I'm putting the conditioner in my hair and switch off the water. I hear a vague, quiet noise, but don't think much of it. I continue to do my hair. Only this noise persists. I wonder what it is.

So I put on a towel. Wander around the bathroom. Realise it's coming from the door. Realise it's my then-boyfriend shouting through the door. It turns out that the whole time I've been in the shower, I've been flooding the kitchen downstairs. And he's been banging on the door and shouting for me to switch the shower off.

Oops. Neither him nor his Mum were very amused, and I was mortified. Luckily though, there was no damage. And they understood that I wasn't ignoring them - I just didn't hear him banging and shouting. It all turned out fine in the end. Although for some reason, they always insisted I have a bath from then on, and I never used the shower again!

There've been other little mishaps. Quite often I step in the shower, forgetting I have my hearing aids in. Luckily, I've always remembered before the water managed to get to it. I'm sure my parents wouldn't be amused if I told them I broke a hearing aid by sheer forgetfulness. Although saying that, I have lost and broken a few hearing aids in the short while I've had them. But I guess that's a story for another time.

So yes, water is definitely not friends with hearing aids. And it doesn't just damage hearing aids, but kitchens as well...

Deaf Girl

My first time...

...wearing a hearing aid that is. What on earth were you thinking of, you dirty minded people?? ;-P

Of course I knew my hearing was getting worse. No surprise there. Even though I was prepared for it, it came as a shock. For a few years I had gotten used to being told my hearing was getting worse, but still in the 'normal' range. Then, suddenly, around Christimas, I was told I needed a hearing aid and I'm classed as hearing impaired.

I cried that day. I felt as if my world was falling apart. I had listened in shock as the doctor told me what was wrong with me ears - that the little bones by the eardrums are calcing up, stopping sound from passing through. So I knew what was causing the problem - surely they could fix it?

They could. But with a huge risk - it could go great and I could revert back to my hearing life, or it could go wrong and I could go completely deaf. I was faced with the decision - risk it, or accept my new life. I chose the later.

And I don't regret it. Yes, it was a shock and I was upset at now being classed as disabled. But upon getting my hearing aid, I was thrilled. Suddenly I could hear things, things I didn't know I was missing. I could hear birds. I hadn't realised how quiet my life had become, until I put in my hearing aid. I could hear my parents talking. I could hear lectures. It was amazing.

Pretty soon, I was no longer upset, but excited. When I saw my flatmate L. after Christmas, I practically jumped up and down in excitment showing her my hearing aid and exclaiming I can now hear things and she won't have to shout anymore. It was great.

Though, as I said in my first post, it doesn't come without its issues.

Since then, I've had quite a few hearing aids. Each time I go for a hearing test, my hearing has worsened, and so I either get new hearing aids or the ones I have get adjusted. I no longer get so excited about getting new hearing aids, nor am I as upset. My 'disability' has become a part of me. It doesn't define me, it is not all I am. But it is a part of me. And you know what? I'm proud of being deaf.

I'm learning so much about the deaf culture, language and community. My eyes have been opened. I have learnt a lot, things I wouldn't have learnt had I not started losing my hearing.

But... I do smile everytime my hearing aids get adjusted, and I can once again hear birds singing. It's a beautiful sound - don't take it for granted, because it might not always be there. So for me, while I still can, I will enjoy it. I hope you will as well.