Birthday party

It was the birthday celebration of the girlfriend of one of my friends, K, last night. It was a great night, had a really nice time. I do have to say though, I was really nervous about going. For two reasons - the first being that the only person I knew that would be there was K, and the second reason was that I was terrified of making a bad impression. Was quite nervous and imagining all the things that could go wrong - mishearing a conversation and making a statement that would make me look like an idiot.

I was considering getting in touch with K and not going. But then I thought, 'well, that's stupid, if I do that, I'm letting my 'disability' rule my life. I have nothing to be ashamed of'.

And as it turned out, I had absolutely no reason to be nervous. Everyone there was lovely.

We went to a restaurant followed by a few bars. As you all know, in places where there's a lot of background noise I don't hear all that well. But K was great - she made sure that I was included, and when people burst out laughing at something or other, she would ask me if I'd heard and explain what happened if I hadn't heard.

I'm always wary in some situations - I don't want to be the party-pooper and keep asking 'what's going?' 'what did s/he say?' 'what was the joke?' 'can you repeat that?'. It annoys some people. But K made sure that I was included in everything and would repeat things without me having to ask her to.

And all her friends were lovely as well - none of them covered their mouths when speaking to me and they all seemed to take my deafness in their stride. There was none of that 'oh you're deaf, poor you!' bullshit that I seem to get a lot.

There were a few questions - how long have you been deaf, how deaf are you etc. I much prefer being asked questions rather than people assuming things. I would rather people ask me questions rather than sit there uncomfortably not knowing how to act.

Later on in the evening I was also teaching a few of them some signs - the kind of things everyone wants to learn when they meet someone that knows a language that they don't. I am of course, talking about swear words. It's quite fun.

So, it was a great night, met a lot of great people and I have absolutely no idea why I was worried in the first place. Am very glad that I didn't let my insecurities rule my life and decided to just have fun.

Deaf Girl

Party time

It was my friend's birthday yesterday. Was a really fun night. We went for a picnic and then had a houseparty. All had a lovely time.

I tend to take a lot of pictures at big gatherings. Firstly, because I'm a photographer's daughter and secondly, because when you can't really hear, it's easier to take pictures. As I said before, people tend to think I'm aloof or not interested because I don't talk much at loud gatherings. I can try and focus on a conversation between a few people, as long as I can see their lips. But there's a lot of noise going on, and it's difficult to know who to focus on.

So it's easier to take pictures. I'm part of the party and am excused from trying to hear. People just roll their eyes. But it is easier to sit back and snap pictures, rather than sit back silently and look like I'm not enjoying myself. Which is never the case, as I've said in a previous entry, am happy to enjoy the atmosphere, and can talk with the people directly close to me. I enjoy parties just as much as anyone, but I enjoy them for different reasons.

So, that's why I tend to take a lot of pictures. It's also one of the reasons why I used to smoke. If things are really noisy and loud and I just can't focus on any one thing in particular - like in a club, where the music is normally just to loud to hear anyone, it's easier to have an excuse to slip out. Like smoking. It's easier to say I'm going out for a smoke than it is to say it's too loud, I can't focus on anything, it's like all the sounds are a blur and is slightly uncomfortable. I love clubbing. But I need some time outside as well. And if I'm smoking when I'm outside, people don't give me any strange looks, whereas if I'm standing outside doing nothing, I get very strange looks.

Of course, now I've quit smoking I'll just have to go back to getting strange looks.

It's also the reason why I don't tend to talk on the dancefloor - it's basically impossible for me to make sense of anything. And why I prefer to stand/sit in the corner to talk where the music is generally somewhat quieter.

I also don't wear my hearing aids when I'm clubbing. It picks up the loudest noise, in this case, it's the music. There's no point in wearing them. I do wear them at parties, but once the music comes one - which it should, it's a party - it makes it more difficult to hear, as the music and all the people talking and whatever other noises are going on, just makes all the noises jumble together.

But like I said, I love parties and I love to go clubbing. If people are going out, you can hardly stop me! But it is slightly difficult for hard of hearing and deaf people. We enjoy parties and clubbing in slightly different ways, but still enjoy them none-the-less.

Deaf Girl