I did not want to get up this morning. I had an appointment to see a consultant for my hearing. I just wanted to snuggle right back down in bed and go back to sleep. I'm just so utterly sick and tired of having hearing tests.
For the past 5-6 years I've been having hearing tests bi-annually, so I know what to do. I could do it in my sleep (well okay, no I couldn't as when I'm asleep I'm dead to the world). But you get the point. Yet every time someone always talks me through it.
'Have you had a hearing test before?'
'Yes.'
'So you know what to do?'
'Yes.'
'Okay. So anyway, what you do is...'
So I really didn't want to go to hospital, do another heating test, and then be told that they're still not 100% sure what's causing my hearing loss.
Luckily, I was in for a pleasant surprise! The consultant had all my previous hearing test results so didn't need me to do another one. And... he actually took the time to talk to myself and my parents and really explain what's going on.
My hearing loss is caused by damage in my inner ear. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell if it is nerve damage, damage to the cochlear or damage to the neurons leading to the brain (no - this does not make me brain damaged!) or if the tiny hair in my inner ear are not working properly.
It's a shame we can't find out for certain what's causing it, but it wouldn't really make any difference. We know for sure that it's not damage to the bone, so an operation is out. However, it's not all doom and gloom.
There is no way of knowing what my hearing will do in 10, 20 or 30 years' time. I had always been lead to believe that In 2o years I will be deaf. This could still be the case. It could also be the case that my hearing stays as it is now. They have no idea what my hearing will do. So that's good - I may not go completely deaf. Fingers crossed!
And there's other good news: if my hearing does get worse and it gets so bad that hearing aids do nothing, then I can have a cochlear implant.
There was also quite an amusing bit where the consultant asked me to take my hearing aid out while he put a tuning fork behind my ear to see if I could hear it. He then started talking to me. I had to remind him that I didn't have my hearing aids in, so couldn't hear him.
I think he was slightly embarrassed at that - he's a consultant for people with hearing problems, and he forgot I was deaf... Whoops. So he turned to face me so I could read his lips.
So. It's good to have some answers. Even if there are still uncertainties. At least I know - vaguely - what the cause of my hearing loss is and that I will always have to wear either hearing aids or cochlear implants.
Deaf Girl
Showing posts with label hearing loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hearing loss. Show all posts
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Hospital appointment
I cried today.
I had an appointment at the ENT (Ears, Nose & Throat) department of the hospital today. It was the appointment we'd been waiting for for quite a while to finally get some answers as to why I'm deaf.
This was the appointment that would tell me once and for all what the hell is going on with my ears. It was also the appointment that would determine whether or not my parents would learn BSL.
So we got there (my parents came with me), sat and waited for a bit, twiddling our thumbs until I was called. I had another hearing test. The woman started to explain what I had to do, she then saw I was wearing hearing aids and said 'I suppose you're pretty familiar with these huh?'
Just a bit! After all, this is the third hearing test I've had this year alone.
So we get started. The usual, press a button if you hear a sound. I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I'm thinking, 'oh shit! I can't hear anything! Surely by now I should be able to hear something? Has my hearing gotten that much worse?'
No, it just turns out she was chatting with one of her friends about her love life and hadn't started the test yet. Several times she stops to talk to one of her friends. But finally, we finish.
So we go to see the consultant. Who didn't have any of my records. He thought I was a new patient at the hospital. I have been a patient of that department for about 3 years now.
So far, I am not filled with confidence at their level of professionalism.
The consultant informs us that the hearing test that I had just taken was inconclusive. He implied that it was somehow my fault that the test hadn't worked. It had nothing to do with them chatting to each other and not paying attention to what they were doing. No, it was definitely my fault.
By this point a nurse has managed to track down my other hearing test results. He has a look at them and the new one. Mumbles to himself a bit, asks about my history, and eventually tells me that my hearing loss is most likely due to damages to the nerves in the inner ear, and not due to calcification of the bones as had been originally suggested.
He performs another crude test which involved him banging a tuning fork and holding it to my ear and then holding it against my head behind my ear. He asked me if I could hear this.
I look at him.
'Yes...'
He sees me looking at him strangely. Then he realises; I've still got my hearing aids in. Of course I can hear it!
So he repeats the process, this time without me wearing my hearing aids. He asked me which I could hear better - in front of my ear or against my head. The answer is in front of my ear. Which would suggest nerve damage.
Meaning; my deafness is incurable. If it does get worse, there is no operation for it.
I hadn't realised before, but I had been holding out hope. Until I had been told that there really is nothing that can be done, somewhere, in the back of my mind, the thought had always been there that if my hearing got a loss worse, I could maybe have an operation that might make me hearing again.
It wasn't much, and I didn't really believe I would ever be hearing again, but the hope, the maybe had always been there. But now that bubble has burst, and I realise that I will never again be hearing. I will be deaf for the rest of my life. I will never hear birds without my hearing aids. I will never be able to cuddle someone without first having to take my hearing aids out to avoid feedback. I will never... well, you get the picture.
I hadn't realised that I had held out this secret hope. And now it's dashed. So I felt sorry for myself and had a bit of a cry.
I've now stopped the self-pitying mode and realised life could be so much worse. I can still hear with my hearing aids. I have perfect vision. A great life. So what if I'm deaf?
The consultant also said that it's unlikely that my hearing will get worse, and if it does it will take years and years before I go completely deaf. Good news.
He has referred us to a specialist that will be able to say for certain whether my deafness is nerve damage or the bone. But at this point, I've accepted it's nerve damage. It looks highly unlikely to be bone damage.
So, this means that my hearing will most likely stay as it is for a while yet. It does mean that I will probably be in limbo (see previous entry) for quite a while yet. But you know what? It's not such a bad place to be.
You'll be glad to read that I've stopped feeling sorry for myself - after all, being deaf does have its advantages. One of them being that apparently the TV in the house that I share with uni friends makes a rather annoying high pitched noise. I can't hear it, even with my hearing aids in. It drives my housemates mad. I am blissfully unaware and enjoy watching TV without the apparent horrible noise.
Until next time,
Deaf Girl
I had an appointment at the ENT (Ears, Nose & Throat) department of the hospital today. It was the appointment we'd been waiting for for quite a while to finally get some answers as to why I'm deaf.
This was the appointment that would tell me once and for all what the hell is going on with my ears. It was also the appointment that would determine whether or not my parents would learn BSL.
So we got there (my parents came with me), sat and waited for a bit, twiddling our thumbs until I was called. I had another hearing test. The woman started to explain what I had to do, she then saw I was wearing hearing aids and said 'I suppose you're pretty familiar with these huh?'
Just a bit! After all, this is the third hearing test I've had this year alone.
So we get started. The usual, press a button if you hear a sound. I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I'm thinking, 'oh shit! I can't hear anything! Surely by now I should be able to hear something? Has my hearing gotten that much worse?'
No, it just turns out she was chatting with one of her friends about her love life and hadn't started the test yet. Several times she stops to talk to one of her friends. But finally, we finish.
So we go to see the consultant. Who didn't have any of my records. He thought I was a new patient at the hospital. I have been a patient of that department for about 3 years now.
So far, I am not filled with confidence at their level of professionalism.
The consultant informs us that the hearing test that I had just taken was inconclusive. He implied that it was somehow my fault that the test hadn't worked. It had nothing to do with them chatting to each other and not paying attention to what they were doing. No, it was definitely my fault.
By this point a nurse has managed to track down my other hearing test results. He has a look at them and the new one. Mumbles to himself a bit, asks about my history, and eventually tells me that my hearing loss is most likely due to damages to the nerves in the inner ear, and not due to calcification of the bones as had been originally suggested.
He performs another crude test which involved him banging a tuning fork and holding it to my ear and then holding it against my head behind my ear. He asked me if I could hear this.
I look at him.
'Yes...'
He sees me looking at him strangely. Then he realises; I've still got my hearing aids in. Of course I can hear it!
So he repeats the process, this time without me wearing my hearing aids. He asked me which I could hear better - in front of my ear or against my head. The answer is in front of my ear. Which would suggest nerve damage.
Meaning; my deafness is incurable. If it does get worse, there is no operation for it.
I hadn't realised before, but I had been holding out hope. Until I had been told that there really is nothing that can be done, somewhere, in the back of my mind, the thought had always been there that if my hearing got a loss worse, I could maybe have an operation that might make me hearing again.
It wasn't much, and I didn't really believe I would ever be hearing again, but the hope, the maybe had always been there. But now that bubble has burst, and I realise that I will never again be hearing. I will be deaf for the rest of my life. I will never hear birds without my hearing aids. I will never be able to cuddle someone without first having to take my hearing aids out to avoid feedback. I will never... well, you get the picture.
I hadn't realised that I had held out this secret hope. And now it's dashed. So I felt sorry for myself and had a bit of a cry.
I've now stopped the self-pitying mode and realised life could be so much worse. I can still hear with my hearing aids. I have perfect vision. A great life. So what if I'm deaf?
The consultant also said that it's unlikely that my hearing will get worse, and if it does it will take years and years before I go completely deaf. Good news.
He has referred us to a specialist that will be able to say for certain whether my deafness is nerve damage or the bone. But at this point, I've accepted it's nerve damage. It looks highly unlikely to be bone damage.
So, this means that my hearing will most likely stay as it is for a while yet. It does mean that I will probably be in limbo (see previous entry) for quite a while yet. But you know what? It's not such a bad place to be.
You'll be glad to read that I've stopped feeling sorry for myself - after all, being deaf does have its advantages. One of them being that apparently the TV in the house that I share with uni friends makes a rather annoying high pitched noise. I can't hear it, even with my hearing aids in. It drives my housemates mad. I am blissfully unaware and enjoy watching TV without the apparent horrible noise.
Until next time,
Deaf Girl
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
My first time...
...wearing a hearing aid that is. What on earth were you thinking of, you dirty minded people?? ;-P
Of course I knew my hearing was getting worse. No surprise there. Even though I was prepared for it, it came as a shock. For a few years I had gotten used to being told my hearing was getting worse, but still in the 'normal' range. Then, suddenly, around Christimas, I was told I needed a hearing aid and I'm classed as hearing impaired.
I cried that day. I felt as if my world was falling apart. I had listened in shock as the doctor told me what was wrong with me ears - that the little bones by the eardrums are calcing up, stopping sound from passing through. So I knew what was causing the problem - surely they could fix it?
They could. But with a huge risk - it could go great and I could revert back to my hearing life, or it could go wrong and I could go completely deaf. I was faced with the decision - risk it, or accept my new life. I chose the later.
And I don't regret it. Yes, it was a shock and I was upset at now being classed as disabled. But upon getting my hearing aid, I was thrilled. Suddenly I could hear things, things I didn't know I was missing. I could hear birds. I hadn't realised how quiet my life had become, until I put in my hearing aid. I could hear my parents talking. I could hear lectures. It was amazing.
Pretty soon, I was no longer upset, but excited. When I saw my flatmate L. after Christmas, I practically jumped up and down in excitment showing her my hearing aid and exclaiming I can now hear things and she won't have to shout anymore. It was great.
Though, as I said in my first post, it doesn't come without its issues.
Since then, I've had quite a few hearing aids. Each time I go for a hearing test, my hearing has worsened, and so I either get new hearing aids or the ones I have get adjusted. I no longer get so excited about getting new hearing aids, nor am I as upset. My 'disability' has become a part of me. It doesn't define me, it is not all I am. But it is a part of me. And you know what? I'm proud of being deaf.
I'm learning so much about the deaf culture, language and community. My eyes have been opened. I have learnt a lot, things I wouldn't have learnt had I not started losing my hearing.
But... I do smile everytime my hearing aids get adjusted, and I can once again hear birds singing. It's a beautiful sound - don't take it for granted, because it might not always be there. So for me, while I still can, I will enjoy it. I hope you will as well.
Of course I knew my hearing was getting worse. No surprise there. Even though I was prepared for it, it came as a shock. For a few years I had gotten used to being told my hearing was getting worse, but still in the 'normal' range. Then, suddenly, around Christimas, I was told I needed a hearing aid and I'm classed as hearing impaired.
I cried that day. I felt as if my world was falling apart. I had listened in shock as the doctor told me what was wrong with me ears - that the little bones by the eardrums are calcing up, stopping sound from passing through. So I knew what was causing the problem - surely they could fix it?
They could. But with a huge risk - it could go great and I could revert back to my hearing life, or it could go wrong and I could go completely deaf. I was faced with the decision - risk it, or accept my new life. I chose the later.
And I don't regret it. Yes, it was a shock and I was upset at now being classed as disabled. But upon getting my hearing aid, I was thrilled. Suddenly I could hear things, things I didn't know I was missing. I could hear birds. I hadn't realised how quiet my life had become, until I put in my hearing aid. I could hear my parents talking. I could hear lectures. It was amazing.
Pretty soon, I was no longer upset, but excited. When I saw my flatmate L. after Christmas, I practically jumped up and down in excitment showing her my hearing aid and exclaiming I can now hear things and she won't have to shout anymore. It was great.
Though, as I said in my first post, it doesn't come without its issues.
Since then, I've had quite a few hearing aids. Each time I go for a hearing test, my hearing has worsened, and so I either get new hearing aids or the ones I have get adjusted. I no longer get so excited about getting new hearing aids, nor am I as upset. My 'disability' has become a part of me. It doesn't define me, it is not all I am. But it is a part of me. And you know what? I'm proud of being deaf.
I'm learning so much about the deaf culture, language and community. My eyes have been opened. I have learnt a lot, things I wouldn't have learnt had I not started losing my hearing.
But... I do smile everytime my hearing aids get adjusted, and I can once again hear birds singing. It's a beautiful sound - don't take it for granted, because it might not always be there. So for me, while I still can, I will enjoy it. I hope you will as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)