My Song

I've just finished watching a 25 minute short film that BSL zone made. It's a really good film. Granted, the acting isn't great, but the story behind it is. And it's one I can relate to. It's about 17 year old Ellen, a deaf girl born to a hearing family. She was brought up hearing, and her family expect her to try and work to fit in with them, instead of them all working together. So Ellen decides to learn BSL and wants to travel down to London to take part in in a Deaf event, but once she's there, she's faced with criticisms from the Deaf community for trying to fit in with the hearing world and just expecting the Deaf community to welcome her with open arms. It's a terrific film. If you have the time, do watch it. It's subtitled throughout, even when they're signing, so it is both hearing-and-Deaf-friendly. Have a look.

A right tit

Guys may not want to read any further than this! You know me, I don't shy away from any subject, especially not if it has to do with being deaf.

So, I went to the A&E last night (for those not living in Britain, A&E = Accident & Emergency, aka ER). I've been having some problems with one of my breasts. In that it is extremely sore and tender (and not for any of the fun reasons!). Specifically, my nipple. I've been on a course of antibiotics to try and clear it up, but it didn't work. Then last night it felt like it was burning.

So, at just after midnight, off to the hospital I go. Drive myself there, park and then walk in to the A&E. It's packed. There goes any hope of leaving before 5am. Standing at the reception for about 15 minutes until someone comes to the reception and takes my details. I realise the receptionist is hard of hearing.

"What's your name?"
"Victoria." - making sure I'm facing her and speaking clearly.
"Gloria?"
"Victoria." - speaking slightly louder and still facing her.
"Gloria?"
"Victoria!" - speaking very loudly and still facing her.

We continue like this for a while. At this point I don't care that the entire A&E can hear us and know my address, phone number, religious belief, my doctor's name and surgery address and anything else she asked and I shouted back. All I want to do is see a doctor to stop the excruciating burning sensation in my breast.

She asks me what the problem is. I reply that I'm having breast pain. Using the same volume of speech that I've been using this entire time. Okay, so the entire A&E knows my breast hurts. I turn to sit down and avoid looking at anyone, though I'm aware that people - men especially - are looking at me with interest and curiosity.

Ten minutes later, my name is called. I look around, wondering if someone else has the same name as me. Nope. Just me. The waiting hour is 4-5 hours, yet I'm being seen after waiting for only 10 minutes. People are no longer looking at me with curiosity, but with open hostility.

It soon becomes clear why I was seen so soon. The receptionist had misheard me. She thought I said I had CHEST pain not BREAST pain. Whoops. So once the nurse realises I'm not about to have a heart attack, he takes my temperature. Only he doesn't tell me he's going to take my temperature, instead he just picks up his thermometer and tries to put it in my ear.

He's extremely apologetic when he realises why that wasn't such a good idea. It's kind of difficult to measure the temparture of a hearing aid...

Then off I go to see a doctor. He asks me some questions, which I can't understand because he has his back to me as he's typing on the computer. I tell him that I'm sorry but that I can't hear him and I lip-read, so could he please face me when he's talking? He says no problem. He asks me a question, I respond. He turns to his computer and starts typing, whilst asking me another question. I remind him I can't read his lip with his back turned to me. He turns around and asks again. Then turns back to his computer and asks another question.

This continues for quite a while, with both of us ending up very frustrated.

Then he asks me if I'm breastfeeding. I reply that I'm not, to which he asks 'are you sure?'.

Uhm... yes. I think I'd be aware of the fact that a) I gave birth and b) some infant randomly attaches itself to my nipple and uses my breast as a buffet.

Then he tells me to let my breast 'just hang loose'. Lovely. Just what every woman wants to hear. Just let my breast hang loose. Fantastic.

Eventually, he gives me some more antibiotics and off I go home.

I do have to say, my previous experiences with the NHS have been okay - but this left me feeling far from confident. Oh well.

Deaf Girl

Grumpy Old Women

One of the things I like about lip-reading classes is that you're with people that know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. Losing your hearing is something that hearing people and people born deaf can't relate to. People can sympathise and try to imagine, but never really understand. And most of the time that's fine, it's not like it's a big deal.

But it is nice to spend a couple of hours each week with other HoH people. This week, as well as learning how to lip-read, we were also sharing anecdotes which we could all relate to.

One woman had just had her cochlear implant switched on. For those that don't know, a cochlear implant is an electronic device that is surgically implanted and allows a profoundly deaf person to hear some things. See the picture below.



Anyway, as I was saying. She had just had her cochlear implant turned on and was sitting at home. Then she heard a noise she hadn't heard before. It was quite a frequent noise. What on earth was it? What did it mean? Where was it coming from? Was it a good or bad thing? It was only after she realised that the sound was happening every second that she realised it was the clock in her kitchen ticking. It was the seconds hand moving. A sound she had never heard before.

Another had an ear infection and so wasn't wearing her hearing aids (it was great to have a moan about being deaf with an ear infection with people that understand!). Only she had left the battery in and switched on. Next to a tin of cough sweets. She was out at the doctor's whilst her husband was at home going quietly mad as there was a strange high-pitched electrical noise coming from somewhere. It could be heard all throughout the house. When she came back from the doctor's he was about ready to tear his hait out. What the hell is that horrible noise?! She of course, had no idea what he was on about and couldn't hear a thing. Eventually the husband realised what it was and all was well - apart from his ringing ears and need to throttle someone.

I shared some of my stories (I left out the bedroom-antics-anecdotes as most of the people there are either old enough to be my parent or grandparent) as well. My neighbour recently greeted me from his drive way. I waved back. He yelled something. I didn't hear what it was, asked him to repeat. He did. I didn't hear it again and he was too far away to lip-read. So I just laughed and nodded to which I got a very odd look. He was probably telling me his cat had died or something. 'Oh wonderful, haha, yes rather!'

I was in church the other night. Chatting with a girl next to me. She asked me something - I thought she asked me a question about the conversation we were having which was rather depressing. I could make out 'how' 'you' 'feel' and 'about'. So I responded with 'oh I think it's dreadful, really terrible, it's devastating.' Turns out she was asking me how I felt about the fantastic news about Jesus and God. Oops.

So yes, it's great to be able to talk to people that know exactly how I feel. Lip-reading is quite fun. Although I'm sure to any observer we look like we should be on 'Grumpy Old (Wo)men' because of the way we moan and go on about things!

Deaf Girl

Queue arguing

I'm currently on holiday in America. At the minute I'm in LA. Having such a great time. Went to Universal Studio today. It was such a fun day. There was only one instance where my deafness caused me some problems.

I was standing in a queue for one of the attractions, when a group of about 20 people pushed their way to the front. It was definitely annoying. But I wasn't going to make an issue of it. I was still quite close to the front of the queue and was in holiday mode. It wasn't a big deal.

However, an American woman at the front thought otherwise. She started shouting at the people that had pushed in. She had every right to do so, as they were in the wrong. It got very heated. And several times she was pointing at me.

I couldn't hear what she was saying. Everyone around me was shouting and making noise, there was no way I could distinguish between her and them. Then a porter came out to see what the fuss was about. The woman talked to him for a while and kept pointing at me.

I could not hear a word of what was going on. I was getting slightly nervous - surely this woman didn't think that I had pushed to the front and was singling me out?

Then the porter turned to me and said something. Everyone else turned to look at me as well.

I had no idea what he said. Everyone was waiting for some kind of answer. Some people were glaring at me.

Thoughts going through my mind; I haven't done anything! Out of everyone here, why did that woman have to choose the deaf girl to make an example of? Everyone is staring at me, agh!

So I gave the only answer I could; 'I'm deaf, I don't know what you're saying.'

Some people went bright red in embarrassment. I felt slightly relieved - now at least I wasn't the only one in the crowd with a face the colour of a tomato!

Eventually though, things were cleared up. It turned out the woman was complaining on my behalf. She had said that I had been standing in the queue for 30 minutes and others had pushed in. It wasn't fair on me and everyone else that had been standing in line. The porter merely wanted to know if this was true.

And that was the end of that. I was allowed to go in ahead of the people that pushed in, and found my seat, relieved to be out of the spotlight.

I was quite nervous there for a while - I had absolutely no idea what was going on around me, if people were angry at me, if they thought I had done something wrong etc. And since I was alone, I had no hearing friends or family to ask what was going on.

But luckily everything was cleared up in the end and no harm was done, and the woman had been speaking out on my behalf, which was nice.

Deaf Girl

First post

So here we have it, my blog. The idea to start this first came about when my social worker, Dot, read a note I had written. The note was all about things I experience as a deaf person. I wrote it to get things off my chest, and to show my hearing friends how some things can be offending. Dot, and my parents, suggested I start a blog to show hearing people how my life is affected by being deaf. So here you have it.

The note I wrote:

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you that I am classed as deaf (I have just received a letter from my social worker stating that I am classed as 'deaf with speech' on the Register of Chorinically Sick and Disabled Persons).

Growing up, I was hearing. I've lived almost my entire life in the hearing world. However, by my later teens I noticed that I was struggling. It started slowly at first. Though my hearaing was declining at quite a rapid pace, I didn't receive my first hearing aid until I was 20. Now I have two hearing aids, and my hearing is considerably worse than it was two years ago.

It's been an adjustment for me, and will continue to be an adjustment as my hearing gets worse and worse. My entire life I have been part of this one world - the hearing world. But now I'm on the outside of two worlds - the hearing and the deaf world.

I am trying to adapt to botht he hearing and the deaf world. I can lip-read slightly, but by no means am I skilled at it. Likewise, I am learning BSL (British Sign Language), but again, I am by no means good at it. BSL is a language with its own grammar and syntax, and like any language, it takes a long time to master it completely. So for now I find myself on the edge of these two worlds until I master both lip-reading and sign language.

Thank Goid for hearing aids! Without them, I would be completely lost. Luckily, in most situations in the hearing world, my hearing aids work perfectly, and for a while I forget I am a deaf person in a hearing world. However, having hearing aids does not mean I have super-hearing. If you, with almost perfect hearing, can't hear something, then please don't say 'you're the one with the hearing aids, can you hear anything?'

There are situations where I am often reminded of my 'disability'. Hearing aids do not work in clubs, or in any situation where there is a lot of background noise. If it is very windy, chances are I will have difficulty hearing someone talk. If there are a lot of people all talking at once, it is difficult for me to pick out anything coherently. If I am driving my car, it is difficult for me to hear. They don't always pick things up on the TV either - so subtitles are always a must for me.

And I know it gets frustrating for people to have to repeat themselves. But it is frustrating for me as well. I try my best, but it isn't easy.

So please, when I ask you to repeat yourself, don't get annoyed, don't say 'it doesn't matter'. I am trying my best. By refusing to repeat what you have just said, by saying 'it doesn't matter', it is almost like you are saying 'you are not important, you are not worth repeating it to.' You may not see it that way, but when everyone is laughing at a joke or something that you've said and you don't repeat it to a HoH (Hard of Hearing) person, what message do you think that sends to us? That perhaps the joke was about us. That we are not important enough to repeat it to. You might think that whay you have said isn't worth repeating, but please, let us - me - be the judge of that. Don't exclude me.

When I tell people I am learning sign language, one of the first things they say is normally 'oh that's easy, I know sign language!' and proceed to show me their middle finger. Haha. Yes, I've heard that one before. Yes, if you ignore the blatant disregard these people have for a complex language, it was slightly amusing the first time someone said that. But bear in mind, that any jokes you make about sign language have probably been made 20 times already, and the humour wears off.

Another thing people often find amusing is to see how bad my hearing really is. When I'm not wearing my hearing aids, people find it funny to whisper around me to 'see how deaf you reall are'. When I don't respond, they find it hilarious. Then when they start laughing and I ask them why, they say my deafness is hilarious, as 'I can call you all sorts of names and you wouldn't even realise!' Yes, very funny. I can do the same back to you in BSL. But generally I try and refrain myself from being an ass and insulting you. I don't make of you for being short, or wearing glasses, for having spots, for being left-handed etc., so please don't make fun of me for being deaf.

And if you wish to talk about something you don't want me to know - please wait until I am out of the room, as you would any other person. Don't use my deafness against me to gossip about me. Even if you are planning a surprise etc., it isn't nice knowing that someone a few feet away is talking about me, but I can't hear them. I know you don't like it when people whisper about you when you're in the room - it is no different for me.

But please don't pity me for being deaf. I don't need to be pitied. I enjoy life and its beauties. I enjoy listening to music - something not many hearing people realise, even completely deaf people can enjoy music (ever heard of Beethoven?).

As deaf people we must adapt to the hearing world, but it would be nice if the hearing world would adapt to us as well. For instance, please don't mumble, cover your mouth or turn away when you're talking to a deaf person. We are trying our best to understand you, but you could make it easier on us.

Lastly though, if you are unsure or curious about anything to do with deafness - just ask. I have no problem with people asking me questions about being HoH/deaf. In fact, I prefer it when you ask instead of assuming something.

Thanks for reading!

Deaf Girl