Holiday

I have spent the past week in a glorious paradise called Lanzarote. I went there with my parents and we stayed at a beautiful resort, sipping cocktails by the pool and catching the rays. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, now that I'm back home it means I'm also back to reality. And for the foresesable future, my reality consists mainly of studying for my up-coming exams.

But let's not think about that. Plenty of time to think about my exams when I'm studying, but when I'm on a break from my studies (as I am now), I would much rather think of something else - if I didn't, I'd go crazy.

So. Lanzarote. Beautiful, peaceful Lanzarote.

I'm not a fan of flying. I find it rather boring. And my hearing aids don't like it either. You know that feeling you get in your ears when you take off? The pressure that builds in your ears until you yawn/chew gum and the pressure 'pops'? For me, no 'popping' happens. Seems the pressure in my ears can't release unless I take my hearing aids out - which is annoying when I have to take them out every 2-3 minutes. Which is why I'd rather not wear them when I'm flying, which leaves me deaf. It confuses the airhostesses and my fellow passengers - getting on the plane I seemed to be like every other hearing person. But once I'm in the air, I'm deaf. I do get some odd looks - 'is she making it up? She could hear fine 5 minutes ago!'

The taxi ride to the hotel wasn't much fun. I don't know what the taxi driver had in his car, but whatever it was, it was messing with my hearing aids. All I could hear in his car was a loud, continuous high-pitched tone. No one else seemed to hear it, just me. It wasn't a fun tone - when we arrived at the hotel 30 minutes later, I was about ready to throttle someone. No, scrap that. I was about ready to get a gun and kill his damn tone-emitting taxi!

Why didn't I take my hearing aids out, you say? Because I was being spoken to and it would have been very rude. Next time though, sod being polite, I'm taking my hearing aids out.

But the rest of the holiday was lovely. Peaceful, relaxing, paradise.

We were sitting in a restaurant at one point and a baby started crying. Full out screeching. The I'm-going-to-burst-every-eardrum-that's-in-the-hearing-range kind of screaming. My parents were getting frustrated and looked like they wanted to smother the baby. (Just for political correctness or whatever - my parents aren't violent and this writer [and hopefully the readers of this blog] do not endorse smothering - or any other acts of violence - towards babies or any other human beings). Whereas I was sitting there quite peacefully, enjoying my food and my bevarage. Screaming baby? What screaming baby? I had switched my hearing aids off. Lovely silence. As far as I was concerned, all was well. My Mum responded drily 'lucky you'. Indeed, very lucky me!

The only problem I had during the holiday was that it was very windy. The wind was nice, as it was very hot. But my hearing aids do not like wind. All I can hear is a swooshing sound. You know when you can hear wind on a video-camera? That's what it's like for me if I'm in a windy place. In some places, that was all I could hear.

On one of our sight-seeing tours we had gone to see an old castle. It was very windy. I spent the entire time trying to put my hands over my ears to stop the noise, or tugging at my skirt to stop myself from doing a Marilyn Monroe impression. I did not want to flash our driver (or anyone else for that matter). I must have looked rather comical - hands constantly switching between my ears and my skirt.

The rest of the holiday went smoothly. I had a lovely relaxing time - and on a sidenote, I remembered to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door when I had a bath!

Unfortunately, it's now time to study again.

Until another time,

Deaf Girl

Hello? Hello?

I was at home with my parents the other day. We were watching TV (I believe it was Bedlam - a series about the supernatural, but that's besides the point). I was wearing my bluetooth necklace, so I couldn't hear anything but the TV. So of course it's at this point my parents decide it's a good time to start talking to me. Never mind that I'm watching TV, but I can't actually hear you...

After some arm waving and shoulder tapping, I realise they've been talking to me. (I swear, it's impossible to watch an episode of anything the whole way through - why does it seem like such a good idea to start a conversation when you've settled down to watch your favourite series? It's not just my parents either, it seems like watching TV equals a green light to start a conversation, no matter where you are or who you're with). So I press pause and disconnect my necklace from the TV.

Mum wants to make a phone call to make a reservation at a restaurant for her and her girlfriends. Cool. She calls, talks to the guy on the phone. Suddenly, all I can hear is background noise and a man talking. I look around the room. TV is in pause, and there definitely isn't a crowd in my living room to warrant that much background noise (sure, my Dad and cat snoring are quite loud - but not that loud). And who is this strange man talking to me? Am I the only one that can hear him? Oh no... I'm hearing voices. This can't be good. Help.

That's when I realise Mum is talking in to the phone. 'Hello? Hello? Strange... I think he's hung up on me.'

Ah. That explains it. My bluetooth necklace randomly connected to the housephone whilst my Mum was on it. The man in my ear isn't some figment of my imagination (thank heavens!) but the man at the restaurant. Oh dear. How do I explain this one?

'Hi, this is the daughter of the women you were just talking to. I'm deaf. The phone decided to connect to my necklace which talks to my hearing aids. My Mum can't hear you but I can relay your message...'

Perhaps not. So, very discretely I press the button on my necklace which ends the call.

'Strange, must have been bad reception or something' - my Mum.

I smile weakly and nod whilst switching off my necklace. Mum calls back and they continue to sort out the reservation. Only after the call has ended - properly this time - do I confess what happened.

Whoops.

The next day Mum tells me the same thing happened again. She had been trying to make several phone calls but they kept cutting out. Only after the third or fourth time did she realise my necklace was lying on the table and the phone was connecting to that. Of course there were no hearing aids to transmit the signal to, so it was just going round the loop.

The lesson? If a phone is connected to a bluetooth necklace, make sure the necklace is off if a hearing person wants to use the phone and doesn't want to use their deaf daughter as the relay.

'It wasn't me, it was my necklace, honest!'

Deaf Girl

'Is that loud enough?!'

It's great having a housemate that can fingerspell. We often have conversations (true, they're rather short, but still) where she mouths to me so I can lipread and I reply back by fingerspelling. Works out great. It's definitely useful when I quickly need to tell her something then and there. Often, when I'm outside having a smoke, I'm reminded of something and I think 'oh yes, I must remember to tell CH1 [Crazy Housemate 1] that'. However, once I'm back inside I tend to forget as other things grab my attention.

So, fingerspelling and lip-reading through the kitchen window works out perfectly. Like the other day. I'm standing outside and notice a frying pan. Outside. On the kitchen doorstep. Why on earth is there a frying pan there? Is this a new trend that I hadn't heard about? Put your cooking utensils outside to avoid washing up. Of course! So simple! When the kitchen gets over-run by dirty dishes (I live in a student house, of course the kitchen is always overrun by dirty dishes) just put some of the offending articles outside. Simples.

But this time CH1 was in the kitchen while I was outside so, using a mixture of basic sign and fingerspelling, I ask her about it. She mouths back that they'd put it outside when it was smoking it a bit to cool it off and had completely forgotten about it. Ah, not a way to get out of doing the dishes then. Oh well.

Speaking of CH1. Her room is directly above mine. Which usually isn't a problem. Sometimes I suffer from insomnia and just potter about downstairs - reading, watching DVDs etc. Am usually pretty quiet. Apart from the other night. I had two friends over, we just relaxed in my room (get your mind out of the gutter people). At one point we started singing. They were slightly intoxicated and I'm deaf. So none of us could judge the loudness of our singing. Turns out it was pretty loud and CH1 was not impressed when it woke her up at 5am. Oops.

That's often a problem for me (not the singing part, the loudness part - although I'm sure plenty of people would say that yes, singing is a problem as well!) I just can't judge if something is loud or quiet - I either hear it or I don't, I don't hear the volume. Often people either have to tell me to speak up or quieten down a bit because it all sounds the same to me. The same goes for if I'm watching TV or listening to music - I can't judge the volume of it. When I'm at home, my parents have to frequently come down at 2/3am and ask me to turn it down as it's so loud. It's not intentional, I'm not talking/singing loudly or have my music/TV blaring on purpose to be obnoxious, I just honestly can't judge the volume.

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Congratulations!

My BSL exam is getting closer and closer... it's still a couple of months away, but am already getting nervous. 24th May is D-Day (which happens to be 3 days after my psychology exam for university). Practice practice practice...

I must look quite the sight, standing in front of the mirror in the lounge signing away to myself and practicing my facial expressions (as I've mentioned before - facial expressions are key, it's the 'tone', 'volume' and 'intonation' of BSL). I can imagine people walking past that happen to glance in thinking I must be slightly slow on the uptake... after all, what sane person stands in an empty room making weird faces and gestures? Come to think of it, that may be why I sometimes get odd looks from the neighbours. That would explain a lot!

There is one thing I've noticed about the other pupils in BSL class. When our teacher is teaching us, some people carry on with their conversations to each other when she has her back turned to them. They whisper. She's deaf. As in completely and utterly deaf. As in she doesn't hear a single sound. And did I mention they whisper? It's no secret that she is deaf, yet they still whisper. Hmmm. And they whisper to me as well. And cover their mouths. No matter how many times I explain I am deaf, I don't hear very well and lip-read, they continue to whisper with their hands covering their mouths. Hearing people, strange beings.

On a side note, one of the women in my lip-reading class congratulated me today. I was quite confused and tried to rack my brain. Had I recently completed a marathon or some other note-worthy event? Had I made a ground-breaking discovery that would change the world? Had I won the lottery? Not that I can recall. So what on earth...? Seeing my confused expression she quickly replied; 'on your engagement!'

My engagement? This is news to me! More to the point who is this (un)lucky person that I am engaged to? Last I checked I was definitely single. Don't I have to give my consent to being engaged? Questions, questions...

'Uhm, I'm not engaged?' - me, very confused.
'You're not?' - her, utterly bewildered.
'Definitely not.' - me, very convincing.
'But you're wearing an engagement ring?' - her, very unsure.

Hold up. Wait. What? An engagement ring? I quickly look down at my hands. Ah. I'm wearing a custom-made ring on my finger. Ooooh. She had confused my cheap flea-market bought ring for an engagement ring.


'Well, you can never be sure what the current style is amongst you youngsters these days.'

Anyway, moving on. I went out on a girl's social last night. It was fun. The first time that I've met most of them. I'm sure they thought I was slightly odd (no surprise there, you might say). The social was in a pub. A very loud pub. A pub filled with drunken louts - I mean, slightly intoxicated gentlemen - watching a game of football (soccer to you Americans). And by 'watching' I mean 'shouting/swearing/booing/cheering'. So, my hearing aids were useless. Most of the girls were also absent-mindedly watching the game and so had their heads turned away from me towards the TV. So, lip-reading is useless. Let's just smile and nod and pretend I have a clue about what's going on. Yup, definitely made a good impression there!

Deaf Girl

Let the music flow and the drinks play.

I love going out clubbing. Don't do it often enough (well, in my eyes anyway. I'm sure my degree would disagree and say I do it too much). Love dancing to the music and (when I'm sober) laugh at/with (delete as appropriate) my friends or (when I'm drunk) have embarrassing pictures taken of me. Although the embarrassing pictures tend to show up even when I haven't touched a drop of alcohol. Hmm...

But I digress. As I said, I love clubbing. There are a few issues though. I don't wear my hearing aids when I'm hitting the town. A) for fear of losing them and B) they're pretty much useless in a place with a lot of background noise, like a club. Which makes it impossible to hear anything anyone says. I literally only hear the music (which to me isn't that loud, but I have it on safe authority that it's much louder in clubs than it is playing on my laptop).

So lip-reading it is. And boy, am I glad I've started to go to lip-reading classes. It definitely comes in handy. Of course it's easy for my hearing friends to forget that I lip-read in clubs. It's a hearing person's instinct to shout in their hearing friends' ears in clubs. It's the only way to communicate. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way for me. There's absolutely no point in shouting in to my ears in a club - I'm deaf, all I hear is the music. At the start of the night they remember that I'm lip-reading, but after a few drinks they quickly forget and the next thing I know is their mouths next to my ear. But my friends, being the lovely people they are, don't mind when I ask them to move back and let me read their lips instead.

I make mistakes as well. It's easy for me to forget that my friends are hearing. Without my hearing aids, I have no idea how loud my voice is. So, not wanting to be screaming at the top of my lungs, my voice is often quite low in clubs. Not very useful to my friends that can't lip-read. It's one of those things - because I'm learning how to lip-read, it's easy for me to forget that not everyone else can.

Sometimes I also find myself starting to sign to some people. When I can't hear, I sign. My parents are slowly catching on and can usually grasp what I'm signing. Most of my friends though, cannot sign. Which I tend to forget. I found myself signing 'Hey! Good day?' to a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I was met with a very blank look. I was thinking 'what on earth is wrong, did I say something wrong?' Then it hit me. I didn't say it I signed it. Whoops.

But for the most part it's not really a problem. After all, the point of clubbing is to dance & drink, not talk. Still love it. (Although I am finding myself going home earlier and earlier - oh dear, please tell me my age isn't starting to show!)

Then there's walking home after a night out. I'm always wary and tend to drive in to town and park my car close to the clubs/pubs. Firstly, because I don't much fancy walking back home alone in the dark. I live in quite a safe-ish area, but it never hurts to be vigilant. Of course - it's difficult for me to be vigilant as I can't hear. Unless I keep looking behind me every 10 seconds, I have no idea if there's someone walking behind me or not. I can't hear if there's someone behind me, coming out of an alley to my side or running towards me.

It's quite difficult to be aware of your surroundings when you can't hear a thing. I can see people falling about drunk and laughing with each other, I just can't hear them. If I can't hear loud-mouthed louts, I can't hear anyone sneaking up on me. So I tend to be over-cautious and always prepared. (Read - keys inbetween my knuckles ready to punch someone should they jump out at me.) And always have my car parked close on a main road. I figure it's better to be safe than sorry.

(In case you hadn't guessed, I've just come back from a class night out).

Until next time,
Deaf Girl

Grumpy Old Women

One of the things I like about lip-reading classes is that you're with people that know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. Losing your hearing is something that hearing people and people born deaf can't relate to. People can sympathise and try to imagine, but never really understand. And most of the time that's fine, it's not like it's a big deal.

But it is nice to spend a couple of hours each week with other HoH people. This week, as well as learning how to lip-read, we were also sharing anecdotes which we could all relate to.

One woman had just had her cochlear implant switched on. For those that don't know, a cochlear implant is an electronic device that is surgically implanted and allows a profoundly deaf person to hear some things. See the picture below.



Anyway, as I was saying. She had just had her cochlear implant turned on and was sitting at home. Then she heard a noise she hadn't heard before. It was quite a frequent noise. What on earth was it? What did it mean? Where was it coming from? Was it a good or bad thing? It was only after she realised that the sound was happening every second that she realised it was the clock in her kitchen ticking. It was the seconds hand moving. A sound she had never heard before.

Another had an ear infection and so wasn't wearing her hearing aids (it was great to have a moan about being deaf with an ear infection with people that understand!). Only she had left the battery in and switched on. Next to a tin of cough sweets. She was out at the doctor's whilst her husband was at home going quietly mad as there was a strange high-pitched electrical noise coming from somewhere. It could be heard all throughout the house. When she came back from the doctor's he was about ready to tear his hait out. What the hell is that horrible noise?! She of course, had no idea what he was on about and couldn't hear a thing. Eventually the husband realised what it was and all was well - apart from his ringing ears and need to throttle someone.

I shared some of my stories (I left out the bedroom-antics-anecdotes as most of the people there are either old enough to be my parent or grandparent) as well. My neighbour recently greeted me from his drive way. I waved back. He yelled something. I didn't hear what it was, asked him to repeat. He did. I didn't hear it again and he was too far away to lip-read. So I just laughed and nodded to which I got a very odd look. He was probably telling me his cat had died or something. 'Oh wonderful, haha, yes rather!'

I was in church the other night. Chatting with a girl next to me. She asked me something - I thought she asked me a question about the conversation we were having which was rather depressing. I could make out 'how' 'you' 'feel' and 'about'. So I responded with 'oh I think it's dreadful, really terrible, it's devastating.' Turns out she was asking me how I felt about the fantastic news about Jesus and God. Oops.

So yes, it's great to be able to talk to people that know exactly how I feel. Lip-reading is quite fun. Although I'm sure to any observer we look like we should be on 'Grumpy Old (Wo)men' because of the way we moan and go on about things!

Deaf Girl

Achoo

I'm currently lying on my bed with a bar of chocolate watching Lip Serivce (which by the way, doesn't have any subtitles - very annoying) and a box of tissues on my bedside table. Yup, I'm ill.

Along with all the usual joys that come with being ill with bronchitis - delightfully sexy runny nose, alluring blood-shot eyes, seductive frog-like voice and a sensual cough - there is also the bunged up ears to deal with. My hearing at best is 40%. But when I'm ill, my hearing is practically non-existant. My hearing aids don't work when I'm ill either - it's like trying to catch a sound when my ears are full of cotton wool. Just won't work.

I had an interview the other day as well. Can't imagine what he must have thought of me, what with me coughing my guts up and asking 'sorry, can you repeat that?' every 5 minutes. Certainly wasn't very pleasant!

So. What does a deaf girl that looks & feels like death warmed over do when she's ill? Why, turns up at her parents' house for some TLC of course! Which is exactly where I am now, and plan on staying until I'm recovered.

I may be 23, but at heart, I'm definitely still a child. Nothing can beat recouperating at home with loving parents willing to do your washing and cook your dinner.

If it wasn't for me being ill, I might be enjoying it a bit more. Ah well, can't have everything.

Deaf Girl